I do that alot. At 3am. While I'm pumping. And trying to manage 3 newborns, on my own. At 3am. It hardly seems fair to ask Aaron to help with the nighttime parenting when he has to go to work, plus parent Annie and Lilah at night. I do have to admit that I'm getting pretty good. I can change and feed 3 babies, plus pump in just about an hour, by myself at night. That is mainly because all the other kids are in bed and I'm more efficient if I don't have to do anything but baby maintenance.
I'm finding it hard to manage my time very well lately. Something I'm not used to and I'm not liking it either. If I'm not feeding babies, pumping, folding diapers, washing bottles or changing diapers, then I'm probably doing dishes, folding laundry, vacuuming, fixing snacks for toddlers or picking up the toddlers messes throughout the house. Messes made while I am feeding babies, pumping, folding diapers, washing bottles and/or changing diapers. Sound a bit repetitive? Yep, it is. It's a peek into my day.
I remember when Madeline was born, I couldn't wait for her to just get a little bit bigger. Just big enough to be more interactive. When that finally happened, I regretted it as soon as I realized just how quickly that time came. As the other babies were born, I learned to accept each age, milestone and precious moment as they arrived. I never "wished" them older. I knew it would come way too fast. I learned that the first time around. This time, though, is different. This time is hard. This time I find myself wishing again, for things to get easier. And I wish that I wasn't wishing their newness away. I keep thinking that if the babies were more interactive with me, themselves and the rest of the family, that things will get easier. Don't get me wrong. Having a newborn is never easy. Not by any means. And I'm not saying that it is. But having three newborns? There is honestly not a single way to describe it. It is amazing. It is wondrous. And we are so so lucky. But it is words beyond difficult. I find myself being tested in ways I didn't know possible. Stretched thinner emotionally, physically and mentally than I ever thought I could actually go. And from so many directions. I am now a mother to 9 kids. Nine. I have to say it out loud sometimes to believe it. I have to be able to properly parent an almost adult child down to 3 tiny newborns. And I have to be able to transition from each situation at any given time with just a seconds notice. And I thought being pregnant with triplets was hard? I feel like a first time mom again. This is a whole new rule book, and it feels like I got the book that's missing a few pages, heck, even a few chapters, here and there.
But, we are doing it. We are surviving. We are making it through each and every day, and we are doing it well. My house is no longer as clean as I like it. My laundry never gets done in a day. My bathrooms haven't been cleaned in two weeks. And dinner, unless a kind and thoughtful person has made it for us, usually consists of a frozen dinner of some sort. AND IT'S OK. I've accepted that I can't be Supermom (ok, I'm working on accepting it) All we can do is our best, and looking back at our prior "attempts" at this whole parenting thing, our best is pretty damn good. It might be tested a bit here and there, and it might be a bit short on quantity for awhile, but it will never be short on quality. And while this is probably one of the hardest challenges we will ever have to face in our lives, it's also one of the most rewarding. God doesn't entrust too many people with such an important task as raising three babies at once, and we plan to show Him how right His decision to choose us was.
And, in the meantime, I may occasionally look up into the sky with hopefulness. I mean, Mary Poppins could be real, Right?!?
Change is in the air
8 months ago