If you all remember a post in June, from me, titled CIO, a reader commented on it, it's the first comment below the post,
"And while I didn't have older kids to be built in babysitters"
and that comment stuck with me. It still does. I try so hard to NOT ask my older kids for help. These babies are not their responsibility. They are mine and Aarons. They are OUR babies. But I do admit, it's HARD to do it alone all day. I don't ask for help, then I get frustrated, then I'm cranky and nobody is happy. The other day, I came across a friends' blog, Ida-Heidi-Ho. She writes about the importance of a siblings role in the family. How most other societies are nurturing their children to be good parents and good role models by giving them the responsibility of caring for their siblings. We, as a society, do not do that. I read Heidi's blog and realized, that I am not 'saddling' my children with a useless chore. I am not merely asking for help with my hands full of babies. They are learning to be good parents. By caring for the younger ones, they are learning themselves to be caring, nurturing adults. Whether or not they choose to have children, its still an important life lesson to learn. How to take care of others. Too many people these days, I fear, never learned that, or choose not to learn it. Or at least, in my experience with some kids, it sure seems that way. And I don't blame the kids, I blame the parents.
While we may not have a village to raise our 9 children, we have each other. My kids have the best role models that they can have because we've taught them to be good role models. They are growing up in a home where babies are worn and breastfed. When a baby cries, it is tended to, whether by a Mom, a Dad, or a sibling. So many people seem surprised that the babies are so good with everyone. They have to be. There 'are 3 babies to care for. And I can't do it alone. I do need help. And, asking for help is ok. As a matter of fact, it actually benefits the babies. They get so much more exposure to things than if only one person were there primary care giver. Each of my children have something different to offer. Each has their own unique way of caring for a younger sibling. It's heartwarming to watch.
So yes, it DOES 'Take A Village To Raise A Child'. Thankfully, I've got my own village right here.
"And while I didn't have older kids to be built in babysitters"
and that comment stuck with me. It still does. I try so hard to NOT ask my older kids for help. These babies are not their responsibility. They are mine and Aarons. They are OUR babies. But I do admit, it's HARD to do it alone all day. I don't ask for help, then I get frustrated, then I'm cranky and nobody is happy. The other day, I came across a friends' blog, Ida-Heidi-Ho. She writes about the importance of a siblings role in the family. How most other societies are nurturing their children to be good parents and good role models by giving them the responsibility of caring for their siblings. We, as a society, do not do that. I read Heidi's blog and realized, that I am not 'saddling' my children with a useless chore. I am not merely asking for help with my hands full of babies. They are learning to be good parents. By caring for the younger ones, they are learning themselves to be caring, nurturing adults. Whether or not they choose to have children, its still an important life lesson to learn. How to take care of others. Too many people these days, I fear, never learned that, or choose not to learn it. Or at least, in my experience with some kids, it sure seems that way. And I don't blame the kids, I blame the parents.
While we may not have a village to raise our 9 children, we have each other. My kids have the best role models that they can have because we've taught them to be good role models. They are growing up in a home where babies are worn and breastfed. When a baby cries, it is tended to, whether by a Mom, a Dad, or a sibling. So many people seem surprised that the babies are so good with everyone. They have to be. There 'are 3 babies to care for. And I can't do it alone. I do need help. And, asking for help is ok. As a matter of fact, it actually benefits the babies. They get so much more exposure to things than if only one person were there primary care giver. Each of my children have something different to offer. Each has their own unique way of caring for a younger sibling. It's heartwarming to watch.
So yes, it DOES 'Take A Village To Raise A Child'. Thankfully, I've got my own village right here.
and your village also has a great auntie :)
ReplyDeleteAnother beautiful post, Nicole! :)
ReplyDeleteOk, I think these are the cutest pics yet! Love it!
ReplyDeleteI've always thought each baby should have their own caregiver, in the ideal world. Someone who could lavish attention on just them, at least when they are young. Nice fantasy, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteMy older kids help, as I can not work full time outside the house, and doo all the housework and childcare when I am at home. Most of the older 5 (ages 20 down to 12) would rather play with/watch the younger ones for half an hour or so than clean a bathroom, sort some laundry, hand wash pots and pans, wash the floors, etc. I really don't care who does the housework or childcare, as long as it gets done. Hubby can be a great manager/boss, but would rather work on the yard and house repair/remodeling than clean the house. I have bad allergies and can't stand to be outside, so the inside falls to me and the kids.
Oh my goodness, I love love LOVE those pictures! How great that your older ones help out. They are learning from the best and the experience will make them closer to their younger siblings as they grow.
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way at first, not knowing how my older two would adjust to bringing three new babies home (they were only 3 and 4 at the time). I felt like I had to walk a fine line between not forcing them to help with and interact with all these babies if they didn't want to and causing all kinds of resentment, but also teaching them that we are all part of a team and we all need to pitch in and work together to make this family work. Turns out 7 months later they adore being around the babies and beg to help in any way they can. Even my 4 year old son who is not at all naturally maternal will complain when they have to go to bed for naps and he'll beg me to leave one of them with him because he just wants to be with them some more! So I guess I did something right somewhere along the line (for once!).
Thanks for posting this, it's a good reminder!
I think my older children would be devastated if they were not involved in caring for the younger ones. Every time we go shopping, my oldest buckles the youngest in his seat, then helps him get out at the store, often giving him a piggy-back ride across the parking lot. This is not something I gave him to do, it is a responsibility he took on himself. The other three all help each other out, which actually allows me to get something done. To raise a brood, it does take at least a small village. :)
ReplyDeleteMy kids all love to help with the littles. I think of it as another chore, a responsibility, something that just has to be done by someone- like dishes and laundry. It's what family is all about :)
ReplyDeleteIt's true, a picture speaks a thousand words. just LOOK at them- the older kids don't look hassled or burdened, they look in love with their little sisters. and I LOVE the look of the baby on Noah's back- she looks like she is having an awesome time with her big bro!
ReplyDeleteI think you as a mum are wise enough and willing enough to observe what you are doing that you will notice (and stop it!) if you are asking the older kids to help too much. I have a close friend who felt she was asked to help too much with the younger kids- but it was really extreme, I'm talking the parents going our both nights of every weekend leaving her to babysit, and she wasn't allowed out for playdates during the week cuz she was needed at home to help. Somehow I don't think you'd ever get this bad!
I guess my first comment didn't work (blogger has been mean to me lately)...but basically, I think it's GOOD for children to learn to help out with younger siblings. They don't do MY job as the mother or anything, they're simply helping out. I pray that when I ask my girls to help (which is only a bit at this point, since they're just 4 and 2 and the baby is 6 months!) that each time it helps prepare them for raising their own family when they're older. So many children in our society grow up with the attitude that they're the center of the universe, and I would much rather mine learn to put others first. That doesn't mean slave labor or anything, just learning to help care for others, beginning with their siblings. It's not called babysitting, it's called family. :)
ReplyDeleteAgree agree agreeeeee.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all - ALL of your children are beautiful and are blessed to be in such a wonderful family! I came across your blog when I was trying to find support for breastfeeding triplets. I am 21 weeks pregnant with triplets - GGB .. and read over your pregnancy blogs and loved them! I too have been blogging my pregnancy and am so glad to have it to look back at, even now as I'm still pregnant. I noticed at your 21 wk appt our babies measured exactly the same (13,13 and 14 oz) w/ same cervix length.. so I am inpired to get as far as you :) I would love to know what resources you used, if any, for breastfeeding triplets. I really want to share that with them and am really trying to stay on the positive with it! God bless you and your family - how amazing!
ReplyDeleteAnother great post! I love seeing your kids interacting with the the babies. They are on the way to become wonderful parents. I tell you this all the time, but I will say it again, You are AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteThose babies are so lucky! What adorable pictures. They'll all love to look at these when they grow up.
ReplyDeleteWhat an incredibly precious family you have. I came across your blog via a very roundabout way, and I'm so glad that I did. So glad. I already shared your post about breastfeeding all three triplets on my facebook page. It's too encouraging and empowering NOT to share.
ReplyDeleteAs a labor doula and childbirth educator (not to mention wife and mother), it's so refreshing to come across blogs like yours.
So - thank you for taking the time to throw your very valuable two cents out into the blogosphere. Keep making a difference!
i know this is an old post, but was reading through your oldies tonight... i *love* this one. i'm a mama to 7 little ones (no multiples :) & this is such a breath of fresh air.
ReplyDeletei can't imagine how crazy busy you are with your sweet girls, but love when you do post!
We've got a lot in common......just found your blog, and am looking forward to reading more:) I just birthed my eighth baby at home, and before that was twins, so I've got a smidgin of an idea what you're on about! And I agree with you....the love of my life and I only got together when we were 28, and have spent our 30's having 7 babies together, and I had a daughter from my previous life. I didn't want my first daughter to have to help, because they were our babies and I didn't think she should have to....so she didn't. Didn't go near the first baby at all for his first year in fact. And it didn't do her any favours. In fact, she doesn't live with us (she's 19 now) cause she so can't share, love, have compassion, or any of the other things that our other kids are learning every day from being part of a big family, and helping, and loving thier siblings. You might be interested in my blog too...there's a link to my twin birth story that you might dig:) Have you written about your birth stories? Will have to have a look...
ReplyDeletehttp://spunoutpost.blogspot.com/2010/11/natural-birthing-of-twins.html