It's Been Too Long....

I am ridiculous. I love to blog, to write, but somehow this got lost in my priorities. 

This wonderful article pretty much sums it up for me:

Why Your Never Failing As A Mother

Life with 9 kids is hard. Busy (too busy to blog apparently) and HARD. But please, don't get me wrong, things are great. Really great. Well, within my little world here within MY family, but that is for another time. I'm focusing on the good right now. The GOOD is so so much. Since September 20th (my last blog post).....

The kids started school. 

We traveled to Hawaii. 

Halloween with 5 Littles and some teens that love the day was fantastic. 

We are in the process of making some major, but amazing, life changing decisions. 

My photography, as I hoped, as become a very integral part of my life.

The triplets turned three. THREE. We made it. And we are stronger and happier than ever. 

We celebrated our 20th anniversary. 20.Years. 

We are finally content and complete with who were are as a family, and as ourselves. 

So, that is just the big stuff. As you can imagine the little stuff is like 3 million times a day. And I wouldn't trade if for the world. 

This is my world. Right there. My life. Nothing in this eternity matters more than them and these past four years have been the hardest of our lives but also the most enlightening. 

I am more in love with my husband and my family than ever. And that is the best feeling in the entire world. Once you have that, everything else truly does seem to be 'the little stuff'. 

So *flipping* PROUD.

My 13 year old daughter, Juliette, has been practicing pretty hard and playing around with her (my) camera a ton these past few months. She did a photo shoot for a friend last week. I found her photos on my card and started flipping through them. This is what I found: (These are Juliette's photos, I merely did the post processing on them) 

*Callista* 

I think she ROCKS. I can't wait to watch her grow in her talents. 

Where have you BEEN?!

Pretty dang busy :)

So, If you remember, my goals for 2012 were to dedicate as much time as I could to my photography. I wanted to learn and play and create as much as I could. I've done pretty well holding up to that goal. The one thing I haven't attained yet is to take a class. That goal has been redirected to a New Years EVE goal to END the year with instead. I have to give a little somewhere. Lol. Between photographing every single person that I can and raising 9 Littles, life is pretty busy. The triplets are *almost* THREE and for some reason, I'm dying about this miletone/birthday. Three officially means the aren't babies anymore. At all. Or even toddlers. They are official PRESCHOOLERS. Oh.my.Yikes. Our son graduated high school. We officially have TWO adult children. How did THAT happen? I have a 9th grader, a 8th grade, a 1st grader and four children at home under the age of 4. But 3 of them almost 3. That sounds crazy, even to me. I am about to celebrate my 20 year wedding anniversary to my high school sweetheart who loves me relentlessly and tolerates me tirelessly :) And I say that with intense love. Trust me, he puts up with alot. :) I am at such a good place in my life right now and I am loving it!. Yes, it is still HARD. The hardest thing I've ever done. But when I step back and look around, I am amazed. 

So here is what I've been up to the past few months. 

(And I apologize, because I know this isn't my photography blog, I wanted to share it here also, since this is pretty much where I've been and what I've been doing besides taking care of my family)

A Very Important, Missed Anniversary.

June 21st. The Summer Solstice. The beginning of a new....

.season

.love

.life
.letting go

.promises

.revelations

.joy

.realizations

.grief

.beliefs

.sadness.

.art
.embracing

Everyone will have different story in how the first day/week/month and even year of the season came and went. Some won't remember, some will celebrate, some finally become. 

This was the day, for me, that marks the 2 year anniversary of my dreadlock journey. 

It came and went and I forgot. That is not a bad thing. It means that my journey is proving successful. 

Here's a few postings that I've done along my journey. There isn't alot but enough for you to get the idea. I intended to blog my journey much more thoroughly, but when embarking on it, within the first few months, so much of what I was discovering, and finding and embracing was just too personal at that time for me to feel comfortable sharing. Yet. Someday, maybe. 

Dreadlocks

Live A Little..Learn A Little..

A New Journey..A New Blog..

Becoming.  This is the dread blog that I started but just never kept up. It almost seemed redundant because I was posting here as well. Maybe I will start it again one day. 

The few things I can share that I've become.....

.Happier

.More patient

.Calmer

.Free-r

And my biggest one so far. Being less obsessive about things being orderly at all times. This one was huge to me. It was a trait that I didn't like in myself at all. It was added stress for me and my entire family. I knew it would be much healthier for me to try to work past that need than to keep up with things all the time. It was the right choice. There are times where I have to force myself to not constantly pick up the house all the time, but it is getting much easier. My kids clothing doesn't always have to match. They pick for themselves. We go full days without getting dressed at all. Dishes can sit in the sink for a few hours. I've learned that I don't have to impress anyone. Only myself. And that goes so much deeper than just a clean house and perfect kids. It's a true reflection of who I've BECOME. And I love me. 

In a sense, for me, dreadlocks were the best thing that I've ever done for myself. 

They are so much more than just a hairstyle. They become a part of you, not only physically but emotionally. As they form, so does your soul, IF you completely free your mind as you go. Another lesson learned. Two years in and my dreadlocks of a very important part of Me. They are here to stay. 

I have a message to the very few people who do know my complete journey so far.

Thank you always for your love and support. I love you all. 

The Most Fun In A Long Time...

And by that I so do not mean to minimize all of the fun things that have happened also, but this was different. This was carefree, and fun, and important all in one. I really haven't felt that relaxed and truly happy in just a moment such as I did this day.

 The Portland Pride Parade 2012. It was so much fun and the girls had a blast! 

Yay for my Family. Yay for Us. Yay for new, beautiful and amazing friends. And Yay for me. Okay, so yeah, still stressed out at some point at least twice in each day about random and numerous different things but finally feeling peaceful.

Life Is Perfect.

Motorcycles are LOUD. All Gwen, Rosie, Mia, Lilah & Juliette (clockwise)

 We were sitting about 20 feet away from them. 

Nikes float. It was really cool. And they had even cooler teeshirts! Juliette is on the hunt for them now. 

Way cool. 

 Evie loves Annie

  New friends <3 Evie and her Mama Renae

LOVED these outfits!

This guys was really cool too <3

Gwena and Evie dancing. 

 <3 Pure awesomeness <3

All 6 little girls. Girls, girls, girls. 

Evie and her Mommy, April <3

Really cool dragon float. The girls loved it. Evie was scaaaarrreedd. ;)

I loved this balloon rainbow. Its so pretty <3

 Rosalie with our gigantic balloon. Nikes new little ad campaign :)

This is a real belly laugh folks. We had a BLAST. Mia and Evie

A semi-group shot. Evie, April, Rosalie, Mia, Aaron and Juliette (counter-clockwise)

And of course, stilllllll babywearing. :) Rosalie and Juliette <3

A Message For You

3 night ago, my Grandpa died. It's okay. He was 90(and a half) and so very very ready to be with my Grandma again. I posted this: RIP Grandma. 

This is not a post about my Grandpa. Not just yet. You see, I haven't really cried yet and so everytime I try to write an honorable post about him, I start to cry. Grandpa wanted no drama or fanfare or upsets over his death. He said 'Life is for the living. Do not waste precious moment grieving the dead' 

I'm trying to respect that. I know the sadness is for me. I will give in to the tears when they are tears of happy remembrances and not tears of guilt and sadness. (I'm one who remembers alllll the things I forgot to do/say after a loved one dies :/ ) 

So anyways. A post later about Grandpa, I promise. For now, this is a message. To someone I love very dearly, who is having a difficult time with the fact that her Dad is gone. 'I know this is hard. And I know you are hard on yourself for alot of things. Do not ever question the fact that you are an amazing Mom and raised some pretty damn good kids. But I don't need to tell you that.'

 I have proof: 

''My love

There's only you in my life

The only thing that's right

My first love

Your every breath that I take

Your every step I make

And I

I want to share

All my love with you

No one else will do

And your eyes

They tell me how much you care

Oh yes

You will always be

My endless love

Two hearts

Two hears that beat as one

Our lives have just begun

And forever........''

Who knew that almost 24 years ago this is where we would be today ♥ Our wedding song, a prophecy, of sorts. 

Without my Mom and my Grandparents, being the very best examples and teachers I could ask for, I wouldn't be this amazingly happy today. 

My wonderfully, amazingly, absolutely beautiful family ♥

So, Mom. See? Ya'll done this so right. 

I Love You. 

http://sarahcostaphotography.com/

*Smack*

As if I ran headfirst into a brick wall. 

Writers Block. 

I mean, I have tons going on, but I think I'm too overwhelmed by it all to write about it. 

Functioning, processing and trying to remain as consistent as possible. 

That has been my focus. 

Hopefully, soon I might have something to say. Honestly, this is a first for me. 

:/

Moving Backwards

I am just not getting this. It is 2012. North Carolina just approved a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. But they didn't stop there. They also went one step further by not allowing civil unions. 

What.The.F***. !?!?!?!

WHY is this even an issue? Who's business is it of ANYONES to tell someone who they can and cannot love. Let alone our government. 

Black.Gay.Girl.Old.Transgender.White.Boy.Bisexual.Straight.Young.Tall.Funny.Blonde.Lesbian.

All I see from all those words is a person. People. Human beings that love and needs love. The desire for touch and companionship. The need to share their love with another person, or even multiple people. 

I hear all this talk from people about how 'allowing gay marriage will ruin the sanctity of marriage'

Someone please tell me how that is? You know what? Never mind. I don't want to hear any closed minded opinions of how that could happen. It doesn't. No more so than a heterosexual couple could. Or ANY couple for that matter. 

This video is going around Facebook. I watched it. I cried. I watched it again and again and wished the whole time that Tom was my son. That I could take him in my arms, hold him and tell him I love him. His parents should be ashamed of themselves. 

I have so much more that I could say but I'm so angry right now. And sad. And disgusted with the fact that there is even a need for me to be angry, and sad and disgusted. 

Please watch the video. Its long. And its sad. But take a minute and really watch Tom and Shane. Watch the video clips. You can SEE how much love is shared there. LOVE. And really, when it comes down to it, thats really all that matters. 

When I See you Smile...

Usually a certain photograph can make me sing a little song in my head. This one though, makes me think that someone who witnesses me looking at this particular photograph, will be able to see what I am singing based purely on the look upon my face. 

'When I see you smile 

I can face the world, oh oh, 
you know I can do anything 
When I see you smile 
I see a ray of light, oh oh, 
I see it shining right through the rain 
When I see you smile 
Oh yeah, when I see you smile at me'