My Grandma died this morning. Im not sure how I feel. Well, that isnt correct. I KNOW Im sad. Very sad. But I feel if I cry, Im crying for ME. Not for her. Shes all better now. I guess I can cry for my kids for the great-grandma they didnt get for 35 years like I did. Or for my Grandpa whos lost his wife. But truely, to cry for ME just doesnt feel right. It seems selfish. But I do feel relief for her. She was in so much pain. All the time. Im glad the pain is gone. I know that shes now with her son, her mom and her dad and that gives me peace. But now my Grandpa is left here all alone. Thats not right either. How can someone dying make you feel such heavy sadness and such great relief all at the same time? Conflicting emotions are hard. I seem to get them alot lately.
Jeez, if this is what being an adult is like, I think Ill pass. Too late you think?
I have to tell the kids when they get home. I worry about Madeline. She was pretty upset when we left Grandma last night. But she did get to say goodbye. And Grandma smiled when she heard her voice. I hope the kids remember how much she loved them and loved being with them.
I was talking with my Aunt Lori this morning. She said something, She said "Not many people get such a perfect death" "All of her family got to visit and say goodbye and hold her one last time".
Very true statement in my opinion.
My mom, sister and Grandpa were with her when she died. My uncle is here from California.
RIP Grandma. I love you.
Grandma and Nikki. (me)
What a beautiful woman.
7 months ago