Live A Little...Learn A Little...

So, it turns out that those few comments on my 'Dreadlocks' post were correct. :/

Crochet dreads are NOT the best way to go. But, what's done is done. I'm not totally screwed, and my locs will survive so all in all, things are ok. But I sure do wish I had found this website before I did my hair.

Crocheting your hair is damaging. While it does give you instant 'dreadlocks', the hook used to pull the hairs in and around the backcombed hair, damages them. The real problem lies in the maintenance of crocheting. Most people will have their locks done and then continue to have them crocheted to maintain the neat perfect look. This means very unhealthy dreadlocks that will more than likely start to break off within a few years, if not sooner. Luckily for me, I didn't want neat and perfect to begin with. So, I won't be going back. EVER. I just needed major starting help since I'm pretty sure Aaron would not have gone for the wild-cave-woman look. Especially when we have stuff to go to.

The downside to starting with crochet, then going natural is the fuzz. My hair is fuzzy. Really fuzzy. It's a bit damaged, but according to the website that you should totally check out, I should be fine. My hair will start to dread on it own naturally with, hopefully, minimal damage from the crochet hook.

I'm going to try to do a timeline for the dreadlock website, about going from crochet to natural. I won't bore you all with pics, but I'll occasionally include a link in case you want to go check it out.

Madeline wants to do her hair now too, but we are doing it the healthier way. It's called twist and rip. It's better for your hair. And it's free.

Live a little, learn a little. Or alot, in this case. Thank Gods for people posting on my comments.

Dreadlocks

June 8th, 2010.

Well, after YEARS of talking about them, wanting them, being insanely jealous everytime I saw someone with them, I finally did it. I went out and got me some dreadlocks. Yes, it is my own hair. These are not 'fake dreads'

I was going to DIY, but I don't really have 'spare time' so I found a salon in Portland that dreads your hair. In under 2 hours! She does it really tight. Basically, when you get salon dreads, the process is almost backwards. Think perm. At first it's really tight then relaxes. Same idea. She puts them in with the ratting/crochet hook method, no wax. They are tight. They do start to loosen, but hopefully not too much. I got them Tuesday. I'm supposed to wait a week to wash them, so they can stay tight as long as possible, but I will probably wash them on Sunday since we have Madeline's Graduation Party that day.

And can I just say, that I have found hair nirvana. Never did I think that I would love my dreadlocks this much. Anyone with dreads will tell you 'Dreadlocks are not so much a hairstyle, but a journey. A deeper look into who you are'.

So true.

I'm only on day 4 of having them and already, I'm more relaxed. I cannot believe that my hair and how it looked/was styled/colored consumed so much of my time and thoughts each day. (I know, stupid, but what can I say?) And if it didn't look 'good' , I didn't feel good about ME. Letting go of my constant hair consuming thoughts has been so helpful in alleviating some of this every day stress that I just can't seem to get ahead of.

Dreadlocks are my Prozac.

I feel beautiful.

Pretty good substitute, I would say.

If I feel this good, just 4 days in, I can't wait to see how I feel next week, or a month from now.

I can't really describe how or why such a simple thing as dreadlocks has made me feel so different. Maybe it's a mental thing, maybe not. All I know is how utterly freeing it is.

FREEING.

freed, free·ing, frees
1. To set at liberty; make free: freed the slaves; free the imagination.
2. To relieve of a burden, obligation, or restraint: a people who were at last freed from fear.

Yep. I'd say that is the word I'm looking for.

I would like to clear up some common myths about dreadlocks. Specifically for my family, that is more than likely to look at me Sunday and say 'Ewwwwwww'. Which, by the way, is not nice. Can I just say this is a good time to implement the phrase that your momma taught you 'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all'

COMMON DREADLOCK MYTHS

* All dreadlocks are dirty.

Dreadlocks are only dirty if you don't take care of them and wash them. Not washing dreadlocks is the best way to ruin dreadlocks. You should wash your dreadlocks at least once a week.

* You can't wash dreadlocks.

Not washing dreadlocks is the best way to ruin dreadlocks. You should wash your dreadlocks at least once a week.

* Anyone with dreadlocks is dirty.

Not true!! Dreadlocks need to be washed at least once a week.

* Not combing your hair is the only way/best way to make dreadlocks.

There ARE other ways

* Backcombing is not natural.

Backcombing is just about the most natural way to make dreadlocks. Well, except for the neglect method.

* Only black people can have dreadlocks.

Obviously the person who told you this has never see anyone who is Asian, Indian, or Caucasian with dreadlocks. Dreadlocks actually look very nice on Asian, Indian, and Caucasian. Many people believe that dreadlocks actually were first wore by the Asian Indians that crossed over from Asia and Europe to Alaska and Canada. Dreadlocks were also wore during Biblical times by John the Baptist and Samson. Dreadlocks were also worn in the 1400-1500's by Asian Emperor's.

* Nice dreadlocks are high maintenance.

Most dreadlocks are not high maintenance. The only kinds of dreadlocks that are high maintenance are dreadlocks made from dread perms. Dreadlocks made with the backcombing, twist and rip, twist and pin, neglect, and brush rubbing methods are not high maintenance at all.

* The neglect method is the only way to make natural dreadlocks.

Not true at all. There are many other methods that are natural, such as Backcombing, Twist and Rip, Twist and Pin, Twisting, Dread Braiding, and Brush Rubbing.

* Dreadlocks damage your scalp.

Dreadlocks do not damage your scalp. In fact your scalp never even knows you have dreadlocks, because the hair starts to dread about an inch away from the scalp.

* You have to shave your head when you don't want dreadlocks anymore.

False statement. You don't even have to cut your hair when you want to take the dreadlocks out. Here are the ways to take dreadlocks out:

* Dreadlocks are for rastas only.

It is a common misconseption that dreadlocks were started by Rastas and only Rastas should wear them. It is common knowledge that cavemen wore dreadlocks, not for spiritual reasons, not for fashion, just for the fact that the comb wasn't invented yet. It is ok for you to wear dreadlocks if you are wearing them for fashion, and it is ok for you to wear dreadlocks if you are doing it for spiritual reasons.

PROM 2010

The boy. And the girl.

Cody and Madeline.

Prom 2010

Thinking Outloud

79 followers! Wow. I never imagined, when I started this blog, that I would get so many people reading about my life. I always thought my life was fairly boring and monotonous.

I also didn't realize when I started my 'series' that I would touch upon so many emotions and feelings, although I suppose I should've thought that when it comes to parenting, the Mama Bear in all of us shines through!

I said in the beginning, that these were all MY thought, MY experiences and MY feelings. And they are just that.

Never do I intend to hurt someones feelings, make them feel bad about a loving choice they made when it comes to their child or make someone feel inferior. NEVER. My apologies if any of you ever felt this way while reading my blog.

I also never intended my blog to be a parenting resource. lol.

I am so happy that so many parents are finding my information helpful and useful and inspiring.

I had thoughts of making my blog private. Or to make it so that I had to 'approve' the comments. But then I thought "What good is that" ? It may shelter my feelings, but then the readers who do read through the comments aren't seeing another point of view, another opinion.

And to be truly educated and informed on the choices you make, you do need as much information as possible. The links I provide is how I, myself came to a certain conclusion. It is your right to find more, better, and perhaps refutable information. Share it!

And while I do only give, perhaps one sided opinions and information, it is because that is how I'm choosing to write.

I don't have a degree in anything that makes me an expert. All I have is the experience of parenting 9 of the most amazing kids I ever could have asked for. And I love sharing my experiences, my thoughts, my successes, my failures and my love for having, what I would consider, to be the best 'job' I ever could have asked for. I also believe how I parent is the best way. Don't we all feel the choices we make are the best?

Parenting is not a black and white issue. I realize that my posts make it seem that way. My posts are about my decisions and the links are about why I choose that decision.

Please take what I say with a grain of salt. Apply it to your life. If you so wish. Use what you want, dismiss what you find crazy. And I am sure that there is some crazy in here. I mean, 9 kids right?

Continue to leave all your awesome comments because those too, are not only helpful to me, but to others who read them. If you disagree with me, tell why. That is so helpful. If you made a choice that you now regret, tell why. We will all learn from it.

But can we all play nice? No name calling and no defensiveness. Please? :) You have a right to your opinion and I to mine. My kids read my blog. So does my family. Speak your mind respectively in your comments. As do I in my posts.

Thank you everyone. I'm having so much fun blogging!

A Break In My Series

I'm going to take a break from 'my series'. I have some family stuff I want to get down. Prom, graduation, dreadlocks, you know, personal stuff.

I'll be back soon with Babywearing, vaccinations, cloth diapering, extended rear facing, and a new one to me, home schooling!

Breastfeeding

Well, I'm truly hoping that this topic doesn't go and get me called any names. But, if it does, so be it. I thought about why I wasn't bothered by being called such a lovely name on my CIO comments. I suppose it's because there is a ring of truth to the fact that I was called a 'judgemental bitch'. I will take credit for being judgemental. I am. When someone does something that I would consider harmful to their child, I will judge them. If someone is doing something, maybe not wrong, but could be doing it better, especially if there is actual proof that it is better, I will judge them. Sometimes silently, sometimes not. I would never walk up to a mama in public and chastise them for bottle feeding, after all, maybe its breastmilk in that bottle? I would however, very vocally express my feelings for someone who is, for example, careless in carseat safety. With that being said, my blog is about the choices I am making and why. The links I provide are how I have come to that conclusion. I provide them so that you can see where I am getting my information. If you disagree with what I write, no problem. Different strokes for different folks. That's what makes the world go 'round.

But I am NOT a bitch.

Main Entry: bitch
Pronunciation: \ˈbich\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English bicche, from Old English bicce
Date: before 12th century
1 : the female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals
2 a : a lewd or immoral woman b : a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman —sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse
3 : something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant
4 : a complaint of or about

Whew, ok, With that off my chest,

Breastfeeding. This will probably skip around alot, as there is so much to say. I'm just going to say what is on my mind right now and again, provide some links. I'm sure there is a ton more to say, but at the risk of making this the worlds longest blog entry, I'll try to keep it simple. I'll try.

I will say that breastfeeding is my biggest passion. I believe that ''Breast Is Best'. I also believe that there are very few instances in which a woman cannot successfully breastfeed, although I hear so many excuses as to why one doesn't. I'm not going to get into why/how/when/what here. I don't think I need to state the obvious, although, who knows. If you didn't breastfeed, please don't take offense to what I've written, again, my blog, my opinion, your choice to read it. Why someone didn't breastfeed is their decision that they live with day to day and if the are ok with that decision, then fabulous.

What I will say, with great pride, is that I spent every waking moment, every ounce of energy that I had, getting my triplets to be exclusively breastfed. IT CAN BE DONE. Whether you have 1 baby, or 3. Breastfeeding is possible.

All of my children have been breastfed. 1 just a few weeks, and a few for a few years. I intend to go as long as possible with the trio. The WHO (World Health Organization) is now recommending a minimum of 2 years of breastmilk. TWO YEARS.

And, since I've done both formula and breastfeeding with my children, I do feel I have a right to voice my opinions on both.

**I'm adding something in, after reading the comments, again :). Please don't think that I feel that someone who doesn't BF is inferior. That is not my itention in this post AT ALL, and if it came across that way, I apologize. My intention was to let everyone know that just TRYING to BF is possible. There are a TON of reasons why someone would choose not to. And if you read down farther, I did say CHOOSE. It IS a choice. CAN'T and CHOOSE NOT TO are two very different things. All these topics are not as black and white as some are taking them. I know that being able to BF triplets is an oddity, at best. lol. And it is NOT EASY. There are days I want to quit, believe me. But it is do-able. So, please, do not take offense. I mean nothing negative. This post is MY THOUGHT, MY EXPERIENCES. I have triplet mommy friends who did not BF and I love them all the same. :)**

Study after study has shown that breastmilk is best. You have a baby human, baby humans need human milk. Baby cows need cows milk, baby goats need goat milk and so on.. Formula is just a powdered version of cows milk. Again, I have baby humans :).

And in our society, yes, again with the society thing, breastfeeding needs to be the norm. Not formula feeding. We need more information and more help for breastfeeding moms. All to often, a mom struggling with breastfeeding is told to "just put him on formula" instead of getting her lactation help. We have formula promotion comercials. Do we have breastfeeding promotion commercials? Why not? Peurto Rico does. In our country, we promote formula. It's no wonder we have a lack of breastfeeding moms and support for them.



My 1st daughter was breastfed just 8 weeks. We had issues. I was young, I didn't get the proper information, so I gave up. I didn't want to, but I did. And put my daughter on Soy Formula (which, is now shown to be worse than regular formula, although at the time, I had figured in my head that soy was better than cows milk). My daughter has struggled with her weight since she was a toddler. I blame formula. None of my other kids have weight issues, and they all breastfed much longer. With each subsequent baby, breastfeeding got longer. My wealth of information grew, and I grew in my ability to know what is best for my baby.

Fast forward to the triplets. When I was pregnant, I had the best plan worked out. Oh, it'll be easy. Baby A and Baby B each on a boob, Baby C with a bottle of breastmilk. I soon found out some things weren't meant to be planned. I couldn't follow the scheule. I always had a baby crying and a baby hungry. Not fun. Now we do feeding on demand. When the babies are hungry. Now, there is less crying. And THAT is always a good thing.

The babies all had donor milk in the hospital. No formula. No bottles, at first, gavaged feedings only. Unfortunately, as well meaning as the NICU is, they don't know everything. I was told that breastfeeding is very hard for a preemie. That it takes a ton of energy for a preemie to nurse.

WRONG.

FALSE.

NOT TRUE.

Breastfeeding is natural to a baby. Bottlefeeding is not. Bottle feeding, in fact, takes more energy than nursing, nursing just takes more TIME. (Unless your my 6 month old Rosalie who can nurse down an entire feeding in about 7 minutes)

It takes TIME. And time is something that the NICU needs more of. Or, less schedule, but that just can't happen so....

Truth is, babies, preemies, do better when they can nurse on-demand. They learn hunger cues.

But that is hard to do in a scheduled setting. Especially in a NICU and especially with multiples.

This is an instance where bottles were a stepping stone.

But this is not about bottle vs. breast. This is about breastmilk vs. formula. I kind of got off track there for a bit. Sorry.

Babies are born to breastfeed. They come out knowing where they need to be. Have you ever seen a just born baby do the breastcrawl? It's amazing.



Formula is 'man-made'. Who knows what is actually in it? Or ,here you go. This looks healthy. Chocolate formula. Yummy.

Breastmilk? Natural. Doesn't get much more natural than this. Breastmilk is perfect for every baby. The milk that a mom makes is designed for her babies. Allergies are rare, although babies can be sensitive to a particular food that a Mom eats.

Babies are born with a specific 'gut-flora'. If babies are exclusively breastfed and maintain a virgin gut, they develop natural healthy gut flora which are full of good bacteria which aids in digestion, which serves as a natural immunity.

Great explanation of Virgin gut and gut flora

Breastmilk provides fabulous immunities against illnesses.
Breastmilk is easier to digest.
Breastmilk prevents obesity.
Breastfed babies have healthier teeth and better jaw alignment.
Breastfed babies have a higher IQ.

So, with all this information, why would a mother CHOOSE to feed her baby with an artificial man-made formula if she didn't absolutely have to?

I have no idea.

Even The Occasional Bottle Has It's Risks

Breastfeeding Boots IQ's

Breastfeeding Builds Brighter Brains

Risks of Formula Feeding

Risks of Formula Feeding

Formula and Obesity

Diabetes and Formula

Breastfeeding Multiples

Kellymom. Great info on everything!

So, with all this information on the benefits of breastfeeding, why would you NOT, if you have the choice?

I have no idea.

*I would like to clarify something that I said in my CIO post. "Those people who say "Oh, my baby slept through the night at 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 6 months, I say "Lie". Not possible. And especially not for a breastfed baby".

I would never want to discourage a new mama from breastfeeding. You never have to choose breastfeeding over sleep. Studies actually show that breastfeeding mamas get, on average, 1-1.5 hours MORE sleep per night than formula feeding mamas. Probably due to the fact that you can just hook a baby to the boob and go back to sleep.

It's just MY babies that won't sleep. Well, Gwendolen does. She only nurses 1 or 2 times per night, whereas Emilia nurses all night long. Alot of that is just the babies personality, and with 3 at the same time, well, you get 3 different personalities.

My thoughts?

Lazy? Breastfeed! No formula to fix or bottles to wash.
Tired? Breastfeed! No need to even get out of bed at night.
Stressed? Breastfeed! There is nothing more relaxing than nursing your baby. Nothing.

Now, please keep in mind these are directed at ME. I am, in no way, saying that breastfeeding mamas are lazy, tired or stressed. Just I am. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that I have 9 children. And triplets. Possibly.

It's not rocket science. It's natural. It's what we, as women, were designed to do.

If I can successfully exclusively breastfeed triplets, anyone can breastfeed their baby/babies. Or at least give it a really good try. Do it for your baby!

Again, an apology on the jumpiness of the post. It's hard for me to write as fast as my brain is thinking. Especially when it's something I'm so passionate about. I may even add stuff later as I think of more.

CIO (Crying It Out)

This is a hard one for me. I know all the literature about it. I've read all the studies. I KNOW the damage it does. So we don't do it. But this is one that is so.damn.hard. Especially with triplets. None of my kids have ever been good sleepers. I truly don't think any baby ever is. Those people who say "Oh, my baby slept through the night at 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 6 months, I say "Lie". Not possible. And especially not for a breastfed baby. Ok, maybe a few times here and there, but not consistently. They get so accustomed to the closeness that it's hard for them to be layed down. And why wouldn't it be? They've been close to Mama for 10 months.

Our evening schedule sucks. That pretty much sums it up. I dread the evening. HATE it. I am still nursing all 3 babies down every night. That in itself isn't bad. I like that part. I get closeness with each of them and some (semi) me time upstairs. The part that sucks is that they don't STAY asleep because they don't know how. And it's my fault. They are too used to getting nursed back to sleep everytime they wake up. So I spend all evening in my bedroom. Nurse two, lay them down, go get the third from Aaron, nurse her, lay her down. At this point, sometimes I get back downstairs for maybe 5 minutes before one wakes up. And, if Im lucky, I can tear back up there before she wakes them all up. If she does, we are back to square 1. This goes on until about midnight when I just give up the fight and go to bed. Then, we do the same thing only since they are so tired, they do stay asleep after nursing which is good, since I need sleep too. This is where it is so.damn.hard for me not to CIO. I don't want to, but somethings gotta give.

Tonight, my son Noah, says to me:

Noah: "Mom, I probably won't see you until Saturday (it's Thursday at 4pm)
Me: "What? Why not? It's only Thursday"
Noah: "I know, but I'm going to soccer practice in an hour and by the time I get back, you'll be upstairs with the babies. I'll go to bed before your done. Then tomorrow , your still asleep in the morning and I have school and then I'm going to a friends house to sleep over. So I won't see you until Saturday"
Me: "Oh buddy, yes you will. I won't go upstairs until you and Dad get home"
Noah: "Ok"

Aaron and Noah get home, Noah takes a shower and get something to eat (So I SEE him but I don't SEE him) and I go upstairs to put babies to bed. Noah comes in and whispers " Goodnight Mom, I'll see you Saturday"
I'm still in denial about that and I say (again)" Oh buddy, no, I'm almost done here, I'll be in to kiss you goodnight and talk with you in just a few minutes".
Nope. Babies didn't have a good night. By the time I got into Noah's room, he was already asleep. Pass down that 'Mom Of The Year' Award now please. Oh, wait, I've already gotten like 235 of them since the babies were born. Fabulous. Now, not only are the babies growing up before I can blink, so are my other kids.

So, that story does have relevancy here. If I didn't have to spend 4+ hours fighting babies to sleep every night, I would be able to kiss my older kids goodnight. Yes, I KNOW that they understand. Doesn't matter to me right now. Understand or not, I want to kiss ALL my kids goodnight Dammit!

So, CIO is very tempting to me right now. But we semi tried. We lasted exactly 8 and a half minutes. And I know that it was 8 and a half minutes because I watched the clock as I looked up every study on the dangers of CIO that I could find. When we got back upstairs, Gwendolen had given up and was staring to the side of the bed. Her look was haunting to me. She had given up any hope of Mama and Daddy coming back. Rosalie and Emilia, even though they were swaddled, had managed to wiggle next to each other and were desperately trying to console each other by Rosalie sucking on Mia's head and Mia grabbing desperately for Rosalie's hand. In EIGHT AND ONE HALF MINUTES.

And there are ALOT of dangers to CIO. It is NOT good for babies. Not good for their brains. Not good for their emotional well being. And it is NOT effective. Not for the long term anyways. They don't learn to fall asleep (contrary to what supporters of CIO want to believe). They do fall asleep, but it's from utter exhaustion from crying. They learn that their cries aren't answered. That their needs aren't met. That they aren't worthy of the ones they love meeting their needs. So, in a sense, if you want to think that they "learn", Ok. But really, they just give up. Give up hoping that someone will come to hold them, feed them, cuddle them.

Studies have shown that they stress levels in a babys' brain that have been left to CIO are equivalent to an adult suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.

• CIO can lead to a baby being Failure To Thrive (Dr. Ezzo anyone?, For the record, Dr. Ezzo wrote a book, Babywise. In it he condone CIO for tiny babies. Babies have DIED, thanks to his methods)

• CIO teaches a baby to not trust his caretakers.

• CIO leaves a baby to feel hopeless and insecure.

Is that what we want for our babies? I don't. But at what expense to my older children?

I'm pretty sure this is a dilemma that I will continue to struggle with until it's a moot point. We will never do it. I just threaten it so that I can get back online, read all the dangers and reaffirm my decision to NOT CIO. That's how it goes I guess. Never an easy moment in the world of parenting. Not yet anyway.

**I am adding this in kind of late after reading all the comments. When I say CIO, I am referring to putting your baby in his/her crib and just letting them cry themselves to sleep. The parents that do this, do so with the intention of 'sleep training' their babies. The thought beyond CIO is that the babies will learn to self soothe. In my opinion, all a baby learns is that his needs, wants and fears are not addressed. I will say that CIO is also different than a baby vocalizing himself to sleep. One reader called it 'baby bitching'. Perfect description. I have triplets. Of course they cry. Way more than my other babies had to. There are 3 of them and only 1 of me during the day (not to mention 2 toddlers) I am outnumbered. But I will not lay them down, in their crib, with the intention of walking away as they scream for me, only to return when they awaken after falling asleep in a fit of exhaustion. I just cannot do it. And studies have shown that it is not healthy nor effective. CIO and a baby crying are 2 very different things**


Again, I'm providing some links to studies/literature/stories on CIO. Read what you wish. :)


Dangers Of CIO

Sleep Training

CIO Causes Brain Damage

Dr. Ezzo & Failure To Thrive

Confessions Of A Failed Babywiser

CIO Dangers