Choices.

Sometimes, just sometimes, okay, usually. The RIGHT choice isn't always the EASY choice. For some reason, the decisions that I ponder the longest and hardest, usually turn out just fine. Aaron always gives me grief for being indecisive. I'm not indecisive. I just like to make the right decisions. All the time. So I think. Alot. Obsessively almost.

We decided when Annabel was about 2 to homeschool her and any other babies that came along. Our older 4 kids have all, and still do, go to public school. The experience has been fairly average. Not awesome, but not crappy either. We researched a ton and decided to homeschool. Our older kids were given a choice, and for 6 months, Juliette did try homeschool, but she decided to go back to public school. We fully supported either decision.

Fast forward to this summer. I was getting everything prepared for Annabels' schooling. Workbooks, pencils, and science stuff. We restocked her art cabinet with all new supplies. We continued working on her name, her phone number, the alphabet and counting. Did we ever 'sit down at the table and drill knowledge into her' ? No. She learned as she lived. We counted how many bites she had left to eat at the dinner table. She learned to subtract a few smaller numbers by eating. ' I have 5 peas left. I have to eat 2, so that leaves 3' ! We buy Scrabble Cheez-Its and she loved to find all the letters in her name. We would look for other words too and when she found them, she could eat them. Just to name a few things. Learning through living. It how I believe it should be.

Then I had to really open my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to continue with homeschooling. I knew that while Annabel was learning, so were the other 4. The babies can count to 3. Delilah is doing small subtracting too.

But. The babies are getting so.damn.hard. It's all I can do most days just to eat. I'm quite overwhelmed almost every day and keeping my sanity has to take priority for just a minute. (Which, by the way is where my photography steps up and heals my mind) Even if it sacrifices some of my own philosophies

Aaron and I had to step back and really ask ourselves if this really was the BEST option for Annie. Now, don't get me wrong, I still truly believe in homeschool. I love the theory of un-schooling (Aaron and I don't agree on the subject of un-schooling, but that's okay) and we've been her teachers for 5 years now. We all have. And I think we've done pretty damn good. I am confident that I can continue to be her teacher, why would I suddenly question that? My biggest question was, can I be the BEST teacher for her right now?

We are so fortunate to have lived in the same home for almost 11 years now. Which means we know the school. And the teachers.

My son, Noah, had the most amazing Kindergarten teacher. We'll call her Mrs. D. She was a storybook teacher. The kind they show in movies, or write about in books. She was the perfect combination of loving, and kind, yet stern and consistent. Every child felt loved and knew what was expected of them. I felt safe sending my child to be in the care of this wonderful lady for 2.5 hours a day. I knew she loved him as her own, and wanted nothing more than to teach these children all that she knew. The most amazing part, is that she was able to make each and every child feel that way. I felt my son was getting the same level of love and knowledge that he was getting at home. It's not easy for a teacher to make a parent feel this way. She truly loves her career and it shows.

We decided to send Annie to school. BUT. We had it 'under one condition'. IF we could get Mrs. D., we would send Annabel to school. And I am driving her because what happens on a school bus is for a whole 'nother day. :/

ANNNNDDDDD.....WE GOT MRS. D.!!

We talked with Annabel about it and she's quietly excited. Very typical Annabel reaction. Sweet, sweet girl.

We decided to take it year-by-year. We'll look at it every summer, see how things went and.....just see. I do feel a little guilty. But when I look at the situation as a whole, this is the right choice for us for right now. And best of all, it's the right choice for Annabel, and all I want in all my parenting adventures, is to make the choices that are right for my family. It's all Aaron and I ever want.

Today, right now and this minute, I am excited for my baby girl.

And she is pretty darn thrilled too. She couldn't stop giggling as we were taking her pictures.

Thanks Mrs. D. For being the kind of teacher that loves each and every child for who they are. And thank you for sensing my almost anxiety attack as we were registering her for school and hugging me. You reassured me with one simple gesture how much you already love my daughter. I can't wait to see Annie grow this year, with your knowledge, your love and your guidance.

♥ ♥ ♥

Vacation.

We just got home from our yearly lake trip. We stayed a week this time and had SO.MUCH.FUN. I think this time, a picture IS worth a thousand words. Family, friends, love, and FUN. What more could one ask for?

♥ ♥ ♥

9 days.

It's been nine whole days since the babies have nursed. I'm so conflicted about it. They day-weaned themselves a few months ago so we were only doing the nighttime nursings. The nighttime nursings used to be what got me sleep. But since they have become toddlers, not so much. Nighttime nursings became a time to play with the other sister who was nursing. And I used to be able to pull them off and they would roll over and go to sleep. Not anymore. Now they would scream in protest if I so much as attempted to adjust my body while they are nursing. It just wasn't working anymore. At all. I would lay in bed, awake for hours at 2am, 4am and 5am just waiting for them to finish. Sometimes, they didn't and I would be up all night. I don't know what caused the change other than them becoming aware of each other much more now. So, I decided that it was time to be done. A decision that was heart wrenching. I wanted so badly to nurse them to 2 years. But mentally, I just could not do it anymore. I have days where I think my decision was the right one, and days where I wish I would've stuck it out just 3 more months. Some days I feel very selfish, while others I look at how far we all came and I smile.

I KNOW I did good. I KNOW that exclusively breastfeeding triplets to 21 months is a major accomplishment but that Mommy-Guilt still likes to peek in every once in awhile.

I try to rationalize. 21 months is huge. If they were singletons, that is 63 months! Okay, I know that doesn't make a ton of sense, but it makes me feel better.

The babies are doing okay. I went to Seattle for the first night so Aaron could comfort them and I wouldn't be tempted to run up there. I came home and he said they did great so the next 4 nights I slept on the couch. They cried a few minutes when they awoke the first few nights but now they don't cry at all. Now, on Day 9, Emilia has slept all night in her room for 7 of the 9 days. Gwendolen has for 5 or the 9. Rosalie, 0. But it's okay. She comes in with us and lays her head on my shoulder and goes right back to sleep. They do seem to sleep better now, and of course, so do I.

Gwendolen is the only one that still seems to miss it. The 3rd day I stepped out of the shower, she saw me and started crying for 'a drink, a drink'. This morning, I caught her trying to nurse off my neck as I was sleeping. When she realized that I saw her she stopped and said 'I drink' and laughed and climbed off the bed.

I think they are okay. And I am okay.

I know in my heart, that I gave them the best that I had.

Beach.

This past weekend, Aaron and I decided to try our luck with spontaneity. Okay, I lie. Aaron is the spontaneous one. Me? Not so much. In fact, it downright stresses me out. I like to plan. I'm a list maker. I have to-do lists laying around everywhere. I add to them daily. Aaron likes to live in the moment. Just pack up and go when you feel moved to do so. They do say opposites attract. We are proof.

Here are the results of our beach trip .Aaron wanted to visit with his Dad, who lives, obviously, at the beach. I'd say that spontaneity was in our favor this day for sure.

Oh, and you may have noticed the mark on the photos. Nikki Semro Photography. I've decided to try my hand at professional photography. So, if you are local to me and know anyone who might be interested, tell them about me. Shoot me an email at nikmjnj @ yahoo dot com. I also have a page on Facebook. Look it up, Like my page :)

Note To Self.....

Are they GOOD BABIES??.....

I get asked this question all.the.time. Does anyone really think I am going to say, 'No, not really. They are awful. Horrible.'...?

Probably not. Not unless I am having a really really bad day, but I would never say that outloud. Only in my head, sometimes in a vented text to my sister and well, I do occasionally mutter it under my breath to Aaron. But that's it.

Then I get, 'How about your teenagers? Are they good? Teens are HARD. Whoa, wait until you have 5 teenage girls!! I'm glad I don't live in YOUR house!'

-Yeah, thanks, so am I. I surely don't need your negativity bringing me down. Our house may be chaotic, but it's beautiful chaos.

All babies are good. All babies are sweet. All babies are perfect. Every single one of them are all that and so much more.

Toddlers are fun. Toddlers are a challenge. Toddlers are full of life and curiosity. Toddlers make the world stop with their discovery of life and everything around them.

Tweens are sweet. Tweens try so hard to discover themselves. Tweens are so fun to observe. Tweens keep the world smiling at their ever changing lives from minute to minute.

Teens. Teens are beautiful. Teens make you think, and remember, and reminisce . Teens make you laugh in wonderment at the almost adult you're responsible for creating.

We are, right now, raising triplets (babies), toddlers, tweens and teens.

It's what we put into our children as their teachers. We need to set the examples and guide the way. For their entire lives. Raising a child doesn't stop if they make a mistake. It doesn't stop when they turn 18, or move out. It doesn't stop when they go to college or even if they don't. It doesn't stop when they get married and have their own families.

It's a forever kinda thing.

A lifetime promise to commit to this experience with more love than anything else you'll ever commit to, in your life.

And it's HARD.

I came across this story on Facebook. It's perfect (I'm just seeing it for the first time although I'm sure it's known). It makes it all so simple. Suddenly, it doesn't seem quite as difficult now.

'An old man told his grandson, "My son, there's a battle between
two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed,
resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth."
The boy thought about it and asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"
The man quietly replied, "The one you feed."

Pay It Forward

Pay It Forward. I'm sure most of have heard the term. But it's also a movie. An amazing, heart stopping movie. It makes you think. It makes you want to change the world. It makes you think some more. It's one of those movies that sticks with you. The one you can watch over and over again and even though you know the entire movie word for word, it still brings the same emotion every single time you watch it.

Like E.T. I mean, who hasn't seen E.T at least 6 times, cries when E.T 'dies' and then starts jumping up and down, laughing and clapping when his little red heart starts glowing again?

Pay It Forward is that kind of movie, although not as happy, unfortunately. It's the one movie I want my kids to watch, over and over again. If you haven't seen it, do. It will have a huge impact on you.






So, you watched the trailer, or have seen the movie. The basic idea is that we need to help each other out. Do a favor without expecting something in return. Be it big or little. Be the reason for someone to smile. You never know when you will make someones day better. Or happier. Or brighter. It's the little things that matter.

Yesterday we listed a computer that we weren't using for sale on Craigslist (an older one, I listed it for just $75) Within minutes of listing it, I got a call. From a 16 year old boy. He needed it for school, but wouldn't have any money until the 1st. When his social security check came. His dad just died and he gets social security every month. He was simply asking if I could possibly hold it for him until the 1st, he would try to give me some money down and he understood if I couldn't hold it but he thought it was worth asking. I told him that I would call him back if I got any other calls on it. He called me back about 30 minutes later. He said that he talked with his mom and she said they just couldn't afford it and he apologized to me for wasting my time and telling me that he could come up with some money to hold it, when he couldn't.

All night, I couldn't get this kid out of my head. I'm pretty good at being able to tell if I'm being lied to, but it's hard over the phone, when you can't see their eyes and body signals. But something in my heart was telling me that this kid was not lying. He wouldn't have called back to apologize to me if he was. He was sincere. He needed a computer and just couldn't afford it. So, today, I called him back. I asked him if he still needed a computer. He did. I told him he could have it. Just have it. He was literally stunned into silence for a few moments. Then he asked if I was serious. I was. He insisted that he could never just take it and that he would try really hard to come up with some money to give me. It took me about 5 minutes to convince him that I wanted him to have it and that I wanted nothing in return other than for him to use it. I could hear the smile on his face. He's on his way over now to pick it up. Will I ask him to 'Pay It Forward'? Yes. Whether it's just turning around and giving it to someone else when he's done, or if it's something else entirely, it doesn't matter. What matters is that it's the little things. So, giving someone a $75 computer isn't saving the world. But it made a difference in his life. It made him happy. It made him smile.

I won't lie, it felt good to make him happy. And to show my kids that life isn't always about looking out for #1. It's about looking out for other too. It's about love, and kindness. Peace and compassion. It's about caring for others and being the best person that you can be.

I wonder, if more people did that, how much better of a world would we live in? If everyone, at least once in awhile, made it a point to 'Pay It Forward', what would happen?

PS. Did my post make you think? Well, it must be something in the summer air, my friend Olya posted about something very similar, at almost the exact same time as I did. Get cozy, with a cup of tea and start reading Olya's blog. It's inspiring, to say the least ♥

PPS. For some odd reason, I'm getting a very de'ja'vu feeling as I'm reading what I've written. I think that maybe somewhere along the line, I've written about this before.......??? *shrug* oh well, I think the topic deserves a few repeats :)

Making Myself Proud.......

Besides the obvious answer of my husband, kids and my life, is two other things. Personal achievements.

My Dreadlocks and my beginning of my Tattoo Piece.

For about 6 years now, I've been talking of getting a new tattoo. I do have a few already but just smaller, simple things. I call them 'stamps' more than tattoos. This time I wanted to start a piece. A story, on my body. Not just a 'stamp' but an actual telling of things I love and of what I am passionate about at this point in my life. So, when Aaron started talking about it more seriously, I was so freakin' excited!!

So, this year, for Mothers' Day, I got a card and money to start my tattoo! Have I said what an amazing husband and kids I have lately? AMAZING.

I love that I can display my inner thoughts and passions permanently on my body so that I will forever remember this time in my life symbolically. And to show my kids another style of Art. To show them that self-expression, even in public form is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

( the 3 down my spine and the one on my lower back are all existing inks. The total time involved thus far is about 7.5 hours. The artist thinks it will be another 8-10 hours until it's complete).

On June 21st, 2010, (Summer Solstice), (If you remember, a post here tells how I initially started it until I realized my mistake and started over going all natural/neglect) I started my dreadlock journey. And it really is a journey of a lifestyle, a being. It's nothing to do with 'looks', although, I think that dreadlocks are the most beautiful pieces of human art ever. I started mostly as a test to my not-so-patient self. To learn to relax, breathe, to let go, and stay calm. I am pretty manic about certain things. A clean house, organization, and clean children. I have also been known to obsess about my hair. I am never satisfied with what it looks like. Ever. I am always trying something new.

Dreadlocks took away a lot of my 'power' about everything. And to learn that sometimes you just have to go with it. Stop fighting so hard. And it doesn't matter what you look like, it truly IS what's inside that counts. Always. And I can feel myself calmer each day. It's helped me to be more in tune to myself, and others feelings and emotions, when more positive energy is spent on what really matters in this moment. Our loved ones. Our world. And our life. It's about being true to ourselves and being happy and content with our lives and loves.