9 days.

It's been nine whole days since the babies have nursed. I'm so conflicted about it. They day-weaned themselves a few months ago so we were only doing the nighttime nursings. The nighttime nursings used to be what got me sleep. But since they have become toddlers, not so much. Nighttime nursings became a time to play with the other sister who was nursing. And I used to be able to pull them off and they would roll over and go to sleep. Not anymore. Now they would scream in protest if I so much as attempted to adjust my body while they are nursing. It just wasn't working anymore. At all. I would lay in bed, awake for hours at 2am, 4am and 5am just waiting for them to finish. Sometimes, they didn't and I would be up all night. I don't know what caused the change other than them becoming aware of each other much more now. So, I decided that it was time to be done. A decision that was heart wrenching. I wanted so badly to nurse them to 2 years. But mentally, I just could not do it anymore. I have days where I think my decision was the right one, and days where I wish I would've stuck it out just 3 more months. Some days I feel very selfish, while others I look at how far we all came and I smile.

I KNOW I did good. I KNOW that exclusively breastfeeding triplets to 21 months is a major accomplishment but that Mommy-Guilt still likes to peek in every once in awhile.

I try to rationalize. 21 months is huge. If they were singletons, that is 63 months! Okay, I know that doesn't make a ton of sense, but it makes me feel better.

The babies are doing okay. I went to Seattle for the first night so Aaron could comfort them and I wouldn't be tempted to run up there. I came home and he said they did great so the next 4 nights I slept on the couch. They cried a few minutes when they awoke the first few nights but now they don't cry at all. Now, on Day 9, Emilia has slept all night in her room for 7 of the 9 days. Gwendolen has for 5 or the 9. Rosalie, 0. But it's okay. She comes in with us and lays her head on my shoulder and goes right back to sleep. They do seem to sleep better now, and of course, so do I.

Gwendolen is the only one that still seems to miss it. The 3rd day I stepped out of the shower, she saw me and started crying for 'a drink, a drink'. This morning, I caught her trying to nurse off my neck as I was sleeping. When she realized that I saw her she stopped and said 'I drink' and laughed and climbed off the bed.

I think they are okay. And I am okay.

I know in my heart, that I gave them the best that I had.

Beach.

This past weekend, Aaron and I decided to try our luck with spontaneity. Okay, I lie. Aaron is the spontaneous one. Me? Not so much. In fact, it downright stresses me out. I like to plan. I'm a list maker. I have to-do lists laying around everywhere. I add to them daily. Aaron likes to live in the moment. Just pack up and go when you feel moved to do so. They do say opposites attract. We are proof.

Here are the results of our beach trip .Aaron wanted to visit with his Dad, who lives, obviously, at the beach. I'd say that spontaneity was in our favor this day for sure.

Oh, and you may have noticed the mark on the photos. Nikki Semro Photography. I've decided to try my hand at professional photography. So, if you are local to me and know anyone who might be interested, tell them about me. Shoot me an email at nikmjnj @ yahoo dot com. I also have a page on Facebook. Look it up, Like my page :)

Note To Self.....

Are they GOOD BABIES??.....

I get asked this question all.the.time. Does anyone really think I am going to say, 'No, not really. They are awful. Horrible.'...?

Probably not. Not unless I am having a really really bad day, but I would never say that outloud. Only in my head, sometimes in a vented text to my sister and well, I do occasionally mutter it under my breath to Aaron. But that's it.

Then I get, 'How about your teenagers? Are they good? Teens are HARD. Whoa, wait until you have 5 teenage girls!! I'm glad I don't live in YOUR house!'

-Yeah, thanks, so am I. I surely don't need your negativity bringing me down. Our house may be chaotic, but it's beautiful chaos.

All babies are good. All babies are sweet. All babies are perfect. Every single one of them are all that and so much more.

Toddlers are fun. Toddlers are a challenge. Toddlers are full of life and curiosity. Toddlers make the world stop with their discovery of life and everything around them.

Tweens are sweet. Tweens try so hard to discover themselves. Tweens are so fun to observe. Tweens keep the world smiling at their ever changing lives from minute to minute.

Teens. Teens are beautiful. Teens make you think, and remember, and reminisce . Teens make you laugh in wonderment at the almost adult you're responsible for creating.

We are, right now, raising triplets (babies), toddlers, tweens and teens.

It's what we put into our children as their teachers. We need to set the examples and guide the way. For their entire lives. Raising a child doesn't stop if they make a mistake. It doesn't stop when they turn 18, or move out. It doesn't stop when they go to college or even if they don't. It doesn't stop when they get married and have their own families.

It's a forever kinda thing.

A lifetime promise to commit to this experience with more love than anything else you'll ever commit to, in your life.

And it's HARD.

I came across this story on Facebook. It's perfect (I'm just seeing it for the first time although I'm sure it's known). It makes it all so simple. Suddenly, it doesn't seem quite as difficult now.

'An old man told his grandson, "My son, there's a battle between
two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed,
resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth."
The boy thought about it and asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"
The man quietly replied, "The one you feed."

Pay It Forward

Pay It Forward. I'm sure most of have heard the term. But it's also a movie. An amazing, heart stopping movie. It makes you think. It makes you want to change the world. It makes you think some more. It's one of those movies that sticks with you. The one you can watch over and over again and even though you know the entire movie word for word, it still brings the same emotion every single time you watch it.

Like E.T. I mean, who hasn't seen E.T at least 6 times, cries when E.T 'dies' and then starts jumping up and down, laughing and clapping when his little red heart starts glowing again?

Pay It Forward is that kind of movie, although not as happy, unfortunately. It's the one movie I want my kids to watch, over and over again. If you haven't seen it, do. It will have a huge impact on you.






So, you watched the trailer, or have seen the movie. The basic idea is that we need to help each other out. Do a favor without expecting something in return. Be it big or little. Be the reason for someone to smile. You never know when you will make someones day better. Or happier. Or brighter. It's the little things that matter.

Yesterday we listed a computer that we weren't using for sale on Craigslist (an older one, I listed it for just $75) Within minutes of listing it, I got a call. From a 16 year old boy. He needed it for school, but wouldn't have any money until the 1st. When his social security check came. His dad just died and he gets social security every month. He was simply asking if I could possibly hold it for him until the 1st, he would try to give me some money down and he understood if I couldn't hold it but he thought it was worth asking. I told him that I would call him back if I got any other calls on it. He called me back about 30 minutes later. He said that he talked with his mom and she said they just couldn't afford it and he apologized to me for wasting my time and telling me that he could come up with some money to hold it, when he couldn't.

All night, I couldn't get this kid out of my head. I'm pretty good at being able to tell if I'm being lied to, but it's hard over the phone, when you can't see their eyes and body signals. But something in my heart was telling me that this kid was not lying. He wouldn't have called back to apologize to me if he was. He was sincere. He needed a computer and just couldn't afford it. So, today, I called him back. I asked him if he still needed a computer. He did. I told him he could have it. Just have it. He was literally stunned into silence for a few moments. Then he asked if I was serious. I was. He insisted that he could never just take it and that he would try really hard to come up with some money to give me. It took me about 5 minutes to convince him that I wanted him to have it and that I wanted nothing in return other than for him to use it. I could hear the smile on his face. He's on his way over now to pick it up. Will I ask him to 'Pay It Forward'? Yes. Whether it's just turning around and giving it to someone else when he's done, or if it's something else entirely, it doesn't matter. What matters is that it's the little things. So, giving someone a $75 computer isn't saving the world. But it made a difference in his life. It made him happy. It made him smile.

I won't lie, it felt good to make him happy. And to show my kids that life isn't always about looking out for #1. It's about looking out for other too. It's about love, and kindness. Peace and compassion. It's about caring for others and being the best person that you can be.

I wonder, if more people did that, how much better of a world would we live in? If everyone, at least once in awhile, made it a point to 'Pay It Forward', what would happen?

PS. Did my post make you think? Well, it must be something in the summer air, my friend Olya posted about something very similar, at almost the exact same time as I did. Get cozy, with a cup of tea and start reading Olya's blog. It's inspiring, to say the least ♥

PPS. For some odd reason, I'm getting a very de'ja'vu feeling as I'm reading what I've written. I think that maybe somewhere along the line, I've written about this before.......??? *shrug* oh well, I think the topic deserves a few repeats :)

Making Myself Proud.......

Besides the obvious answer of my husband, kids and my life, is two other things. Personal achievements.

My Dreadlocks and my beginning of my Tattoo Piece.

For about 6 years now, I've been talking of getting a new tattoo. I do have a few already but just smaller, simple things. I call them 'stamps' more than tattoos. This time I wanted to start a piece. A story, on my body. Not just a 'stamp' but an actual telling of things I love and of what I am passionate about at this point in my life. So, when Aaron started talking about it more seriously, I was so freakin' excited!!

So, this year, for Mothers' Day, I got a card and money to start my tattoo! Have I said what an amazing husband and kids I have lately? AMAZING.

I love that I can display my inner thoughts and passions permanently on my body so that I will forever remember this time in my life symbolically. And to show my kids another style of Art. To show them that self-expression, even in public form is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

( the 3 down my spine and the one on my lower back are all existing inks. The total time involved thus far is about 7.5 hours. The artist thinks it will be another 8-10 hours until it's complete).

On June 21st, 2010, (Summer Solstice), (If you remember, a post here tells how I initially started it until I realized my mistake and started over going all natural/neglect) I started my dreadlock journey. And it really is a journey of a lifestyle, a being. It's nothing to do with 'looks', although, I think that dreadlocks are the most beautiful pieces of human art ever. I started mostly as a test to my not-so-patient self. To learn to relax, breathe, to let go, and stay calm. I am pretty manic about certain things. A clean house, organization, and clean children. I have also been known to obsess about my hair. I am never satisfied with what it looks like. Ever. I am always trying something new.

Dreadlocks took away a lot of my 'power' about everything. And to learn that sometimes you just have to go with it. Stop fighting so hard. And it doesn't matter what you look like, it truly IS what's inside that counts. Always. And I can feel myself calmer each day. It's helped me to be more in tune to myself, and others feelings and emotions, when more positive energy is spent on what really matters in this moment. Our loved ones. Our world. And our life. It's about being true to ourselves and being happy and content with our lives and loves.

*sigh*

Hey! Guess what? Toddler Triplets are 3 BILLION times more difficult than Newborn Triplets, Baby Triplets, Crawler Triplets and anything and everything in between.

Add to that a very intelligent 5 year old and a very precarious 3 year old. Oh, AND throw in a tween and 3 teens.

What does that make the Mommy? A big, giant, mess. Sometimes a good mess or a funny mess, but more often than not, just a plain 'ol Mommy-Mess. You know, the one that went from SWEARING to herself her entire childhood to never, ever, EVER call your child by ALL your childrens' names combined. You know what I'm talking about. This one: ' Annie. I mean, Mad, I mean Lillll....CRAP,*sigh* Gwendolen, can you please come here'. My mom used to do that. We would just sit and wait to see who she actually needed until she finally sighed, shrugged her shoulders and calmly said the intended childs' name. Used to drive me NUTS. I didn't understand WHY on earth she couldn't remember 4 simple names. I swore I would never do that to my children and I would look at them and know who I was asking for BEFORE saying anything aloud.

HA. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. HA.

I apologize Mom. Profusely. For thinking you should not have given us all names with "L" in them and you would actually be able to say each name separately. For wondering how you could possibly so stressed out that you would forget my name. I.am.sorry.

What did this 'super-smart-learn-from-others'-mistakes' Mommy do?

I had 9 children. Nine. and Triplets. Hm. I would say that I am a candidate for a little stress. What else did I do? I made sure that every one of my girls has an "L" in her name. And it didn't get intentional until we starting trying to name the triplets. We never even realized that we did it. Just like my mom. Just as I swore I would never do.


Anyhow. (Not sure how I got from Mommy-mess to talking about "L" names, so......:)

I am, most days, a mess. I shower immediately upon waking up. If I go downstairs without showering, I can just kiss that shower goodbye. Won't happen, and I am GRUMPY without my shower. And that, is my one super accomplishment for the entire day. I am amazingly grateful for my (One-year old TODAY!) dreadlocks. That means, that 3-4 days of my week, my showers are QUICK since I only wash my hair every other day. The babies thank me for that. They do not like being locked in the bedroom/bathroom first thing in the morning, even though I do have a toy box and a box of books in my room to keep all 5 of the littles occupied.

Breakfast making is the equivalent of running a marathon. With rabid monkeys. Everyone is starving (which makes total sense for the triplet rabid monkeys that nurse all night still) So in between the babies crying to get in their 'seats' and the little girls asking what we have and me trying to keep all 5 of them happy enough to not start the tantrums at 9am, breakfast does somehow get made. All this wouldn't be so bad if the babies didn't want only scrambled eggs for breakfast. With berries.

Tonight. I started making the eggs AT NIGHT and sticking them in the fridge. Did you know that if you put them in a ziploc bag while still warm, they stay moist and taste just as yummy, if not yumm-ier than fresh made. For real. The biggest bonus? They clump together more, making it easier for the babies to eat them.

Sometimes the toddlers have eggs, sometimes cereal. They are the easy ones.

Then the rest of the morning is all a blur. After vacuuming that is. I'm a bit OCD about the house. I vacuum every day. Dog. Cat. 9 kids. Need I say more?

We play. We color. We read books. Snack. Alot of snacking. And sippy cups. Lots of diaper changes.

Then the wonderful 2 hour nap. Ah. This is when my brain attempts to tidy up the mess. It usually works. I(very quickly) pick up toys. This is usually where my first meal of the day comes in. Yay! And this is when I get to spend time with the little girls and sometimes the older kids. (But now, since it's summer break, ALOT more time with the older kids. I hope.)

After nap again, is a bit of a blur. We manage to go for a walk, play, snack, diaper change and fix dinner in a mere 2 hours. The evening goes much faster than the morning. I'm not sure why. Probably because that is when Aaron gets home to help. And yes, I watch the clock and the driveway ridiculously so.

Poor Aaron walks in the door to crying babies, fighting toddlers, dinner half cooked and a wife who was trying really hard to wear her white capris because she knows her husband likes them only they are covered in chocolate fingerprints, oatmeal chucks, and dirt from the playground, and he doesn't turn around and walk back out. I love him for that. I sure as heck would take a walk or 25 around the neighborhood if I had to come home to that every night. I can't decide if I am so used to it that I'm completely immune, or if it truly doesn't bother me and it just feels like it should.


Something to think about.

*sigh* Nighttime. *sigh*.

Don't get wrong, I love all 9 of my littles, but there is something just so calming and relaxing and AMAZING sitting downstairs, knitting, knowing that all my little loves are sleeping soundly upstairs. I guess it also helps too that it is another little 'Repair the Mommy-mess break'. And a 'visit with the husband time' and a 'make an entire sheet of brownies and eat half of it yourself with some vanilla ice cream' kinda time too. :)

My point, (I know, after 300 pages) is, that all-in-all, even after the really trying days, the grumpier than usual days and the crying all day long days, is that it's all so worth it. So, so, so, so worth it.

Even the Mommy-mess is worth it. Pretty sure the kids won't remember the fact that I never wear make-up. Or that I live in pants that have no zipper. Jeans are saved for a special occasion in my world.

So, that explains my life as I now know it. Pretty awesome huh?

(To be honest, I'm pretty dang proud that I held out on the combining all my childrens' names together for way more than 4 kids. I only recently started doing it. Yep. Proud of that. )

Pride 2011

I added a new symbol/picture to my blog page. It's in support of the LGBTQ Community. ----->

Madeline and a friend are going to have a booth downtown at the annual Gay Pride Parade next weekend. They are going to make tye-dye tees, hemp bracelets and friendship bracelets. Madeline is pretty excited, and I am too! I'm going to load up the 5 littles and Juliette and I are going to go down and support the LGBTQ community and watch the parade.

I sure hope it's a good day. Some sun, but not too much heat would be nice. Good thing I have my super deluxe triplet stroller with the awesome sun canopy.

My first BIG outing (meaning not Target or Walmart) with all 5 and no help from another adult, although Juliette is my best helper she is still a kid.

This is where I beg for all the good luck vibes that I can get to be sent my way. Please, please, please.

And thanks. I'll update with how we do :)

Oh, and click here if you want more info on the Gay Pride organization.