"How Can You Have Too Many Children? That's Like Saying You Have Too Many Flowers" ~ Mother Teresa

A Peek Into Our Hectic, Crazy & Loving Family of Eleven


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

30 Week Belly Shot (a day late)

Ok, finally got around to it. I actually brought my camera upstairs last night so that I could do the picture this morning. Here we are. All 4 of us at 30 weeks 1 day. How do we look? :)

30 weeks is a big milestone. I'm so grateful to have made it here, still at home, still being able to take care (somewhat) of my other kids and be somewhat mobile. I say somewhat because yesterday seemed to mark the day that I can no longer do what I've been doing the past 20ish weeks. Walking, running errands, sleeping good, and even picking things up off the floor. At least, I can still, again I say somewhat, care for the little girls. It's all I can do to just fix them their 2 meals plus snacks every day. They are getting very good at bringing me what they want to eat with a bowl so that I can fix their snacks as I lay on the couch. A shower almost isn't worth it. Once I'm undressed, getting redressed is not fun.

I've been dealing with alot emotionally lately. I know that this is temporary, but I'm feeling like quite the crappy mom. The TV has become my kids' other parent. I usually try really hard to limit the little girls TV time, but lately, it's all they do. I've noticed a difference in their behaviors too. They are whiny, clingy and over stimulated. I blame TV but I also blame myself. I lay on the couch even to referee or discipline the little girls, and we all know how well that works with kids. They tend to not take you too seriously when you just lay there and yell. I am not that kind of mom. But I've been forced to become one. I'm scared to death that I won't be able to get my little girls back again. The ones that I had a mere 6 months ago. The ones that total strangers used to compliment me on them when we were out in public. I fear that I've ruined all the time that I've put into making them the best they can be. That I've ruined all the time I've spent trying so hard to be the best mom to them that I can. I can't be the mom that I aspire to be right now and it's a really hard thing to accept. I cry alot. Any little thing gets me going. It's not fun. Crying hurts my belly. Even crying can set off a contraction. I'm starting to hate these contractions, I mean, what's the point of them, it's not like they are going to help get the babies out. I think that if you are having a C-section, your body should know it and just stop with the damn contractions already. Wishful thinking right?

On the flip side, I do think that this has been good for the older kids. They've gotten more responsibility. They are doing regular chores, helping a ton with the little girls and helping me alot too. It is starting to get to them a little, I mean, if it's getting to me, I know it's getting to them. But they are older. It's easier for them to realize that this is only temporary. That soon, I will be back to the way I used to be. I know they are counting down the days just as much as I am.

And, on the best note, ever, we will come away from all this, stronger as a family and with 3 more beautiful baby girls. That is the ultimate goal and what we are working so hard towards. And, hopefully these little girls can come right home with us just in time for Christmas. I honestly cannot think of a better Christmas present. I know all I'm asking Santa for this year is 3 healthy baby girls that can come home from the hospital with me. Are you listening Santa? It's my only wish. In fact, we can call it good for the rest of my life. I'll never want another gift again. This is it.

And God, and all the other Spiritual Entities, Energies, and Mother Earth, if your listening (every single night, I know, I'm probably getting monotonous) if you all and Santa can get together on this one, that would be just perfect. I think it's do-able.


  1. My little girl was 3 when I got pregnant with the triplets, (3 1/2 when they were born) and I went through many of the emotions that you are describing here. From the beginning of the pregnancy to the time I delivered, I wasn't allowed to pick her up. That was tough. Then the babies came at 26 weeks, and for the next 4 months, all of our time was wrapped up in visiting the babies in the nicu an hour and a half away. My little girl was practically being raised by her grandmother, and she was becoming a totally different little girl than the one I had raised. I HATED it.

    Fast forward a few months, and I had my little girl back. :)

    She is now 6 years old, and has adjusted to the role of being a big sister to triplets just fine. Everyone thought that bringing 3 babies home would be a huge adjustment for her, but she took it all in stride and adjusted quite well.

    Like you said, this is only temporary. Soon those little girls will have their mommy back, and they will be the same little girls that you remember from just a few months ago. You are doing the best that you can right now, and you are doing a FANTASTIC job. I'm so proud of you for making it to 30 weeks!

    Sending lots of ((hugs)) your way- I know the next few weeks will be hard, but it will be SO worth it to have take-home babies. Take it from a VERY experienced NICU mommy. :)

    kristim81 from TC

  2. Kristi, thanks so much for sharing your story. It made me feel so much better (after I cried, I said it want hard to get me going!) I know Im going to make it, its just so dang hard.

  3. congrats on the 30 week mark, that is AWESOME!!! when i was pg with the twins, they were born july 31, 2009 at 38 weeks 2 days, i got just like you are at the end..everything was so much more effort..i even took to sleeping om the couch because it offered more support...i totally agree about the no contractions thing, they are just adding insult to injury!

  4. It is clear by your posts that you are a caring loving amazing mommy-to ALL of your children. Congrats on making it to 30! Keep on going. You are showing all of your children what wonderful things mama's can do for their family. Just because you can't get off the couch to referee doesn't mean you are doing the littles a disservice.

  5. OH DEAR! I did not mean to freak you out one bit! Just listen to your doc- they know what's up! :)


  6. Our Dr. said 36 max. But I will ask him tomorrow about your post. :)It did make sense. Did they give you an idea about NICU time?