WhoooooHoooooo!

It's here, it's here, it's finally here!!

My new (to me, Thank you Craigslist for saving us $700!) RunAbout Triple Stroller. I.love.it.LOVE.LOVE. ( Did I mention LOVE?)

It's not super pretty. It's plain. Grey and blue. But it is awesome. The babies love it. It's large, but what triplet stroller won't be? And we have to get some type of carrier for it to go on the back of the car (yes, it's that large) but all I see is FREEDOM. Finally. I can leave the house without help. WhooooHoooooo!

It's not cozy. The seats are hard. But I am on the hunt for some cool seat covers for them. I've only found 1 place that sells them and they're 3/$105. So, I'm hoping to find a pattern to make my own, or I may give in and just buy them. I'm not sure if the cost would be much less when I figure in my time and supplies.

So, any-whoooos. Here it is:

Back To Knitting

So, given my new anxiety issues, I had to find something to relieve some stress without leaving the house (because when I leave, the babies just KNOW I'm not around and scream their bloody heads off for Daddy the whole.entire.time. I'm gone)

So, I'm knitting. Again. Boy, did I miss it. I'm doing longies (as usual) since that's the only thing I'm comfortable with right now. but I did just order some really really pretty new yarn that I may attempt a sweater with. I'm not yet sure if the fiber will work for a sweater, but I will find that out. Otherwise, it's back to the good ol' longies. Or maybe some hats. We'll see.

Here's what I finished yesterday, they took me about 3 weeks, give or take. I usually get a chance to work on them at night, on the good nights that the littles go to sleep nicely (which is NOT tonight, by the way)

This is Pair #1, for Li'l Miss Rosalie

Epiphany.

An epiphany (from the ancient Greek, epiphaneia, "manifestation, striking appearance") is the sudden realization or comprehension of the (larger) essence or meaning of something. The term is used in either a philosophical or literal sense to signify that the claimant has "found the last piece of the puzzle and now sees the whole picture" or has new information or experience, often insignificant by itself, that illuminates a deeper or numinous foundational frame of reference.

Yesterday, I had one. It was awesome. I'm not sure when/if I'll ever learn to listen to me. To my instincts, but thankfully a higher power granted me this (well, with some human intervention). An epiphany. I even love saying the word. Epiphany.

I'm sure ya'll remember my breastfeeding struggles. Trying so hard to do what everyone else told me to do. Pump, bottles, schedules, measuring and all that crap that went against what I thought was best. Only after I did it my way, did the breastfeeding finally work. Feeding on demand with no bottles, no pumping, no measuring and NO schedules.

Now let's apply that thought process to the sleep struggles we are now enduring. Again, I sought out the advice of others. I didn't learn the first time around to listen to me. I figured, from the beginning ,that triplets meant changing my entire life. The way I parent and the way I do things. I'm slowly (and I do mean slllooowwllyyy) learning that it doesn't have to be that way.

I've learned that Aaron and I carry a gene that is passed along to our children. It's the "babies don't sleep well unless the have a boob in their face" gene. I'm sure lots of you have heard of it and some of you might carry that gene and pass it on to your children too. All of our babies have acquired this gene. And, as you can imagine, it's a bit of a logistical challenge with 3 babies. So,in this case, the babies have to give just a little. They really have no choice unfortunately.

I started out with the thought that the babies had to "learn to fall asleep on their own". A feat I've never ever accomplished with any other child. WHY I thought it would work this time, I do not know. Stupidity? Naivety? Wishful thinking? I sought out the advice of friends, strangers and books. I wasted alot of peoples time who listened to me whine, cry and complain. ( Thank you to all my Facebook friends who listened to me every.single.day) I cut out the swings for sleeping and spent hours upon hours bent over the playpen shushing my babies as they cried and rubbed their tummies while trying to get them to suck on a pacifier. (Oh, and we also carry the "our babies don't like pacifiers gene" and have passed that on as well) And to fall asleep "on their own".

Where did it get me?

It got me unhappy, stressed and a whole bunch of anxiety attacks. Yep, that's right, anxiety attacks. For the past 5 days now, I've been dealing with heart palpitations, sweats, and headaches.

All.damn.day.

Let me tell you, it SUCKS.

It got me in tears every day. Sobbing by nightfall and finding myself resenting my own babies.

Nice. Let's NOT say that out loud, shall we?

It got me babies who cried way more than I thought was ok. Way more.

It got me babies who DIDN'T SLEEP.

Now, I'm not saying it doesn't work for some people or that it won't work for us someday. But it's not working NOW. It's not working TODAY. And I have to take things "One Day At A Time" or I'll go nuts with the planning and scheduling. Most MOM's (Moms Of Multiples) will tell you that if you don't keep the babies all on the same schedule, you'll go crazy. Well, I'm the Odd-Multiple- Mom- Out. Scheduling and forcing things not natural (such as a baby sleeping alone) on my babies, is just not working for us. If you look at all mammals, they sleep WITH their babies. They nurse them to sleep. Most sleep with their babies ON them. We are no different. I won't start in on today's society and their unrealistic views of how a baby "should" be, but really? A baby is carried 24/7 for nine months, then you expect them to not need that attachment the minute they are born? Nuh-uh. Doesn't even begin to sound right to me. My triplets are not on the same schedule. At all. Sometimes, they end up that way, but most times not. No, I don't ever get "a break" but it's ok. I do get a small one at night. Somehow they all seem to end up asleep at night at pretty much the same time. (Gwendolen even has slept through the night 4-5 times! And I'm talking 10 hours straight!) Trying to get a break wasn't worth it. I got me some anxiety, (still dealing with it actually, but hopefully it will go away very very soon) but no breaks.(In case your wondering how I got all this blogged, 1 is asleep, 1 is nursing and 1 is laying next to me. and the toddlers are still asleep)

Oh right. Your waiting for my Epiphany Moment. Well, I kind of said it all up there, but here it is on the quickie version:

I am here to meet the needs of my baby. If my baby needs a swing to sleep, she will have one. If my baby needs to nurse to sleep, she will. If my baby needs to cuddle to sleep, she will. The fact that I had 3 babies at one time, does not change their needs, it just makes things more of a juggle for me. But that is my job. I am their Mom.

What are we doing differently? I am nursing them right before they go to sleep. I do make sure they are awake when I lay them down so they don't wake and not know what's going on. If they fuss and let me know that they aren't ready to lay down, they get more nursing (if another baby doesn't need their initial nursing, this is where they have to "give a little") If the boobs are occupied, they snuggle with Daddy or go in the swing. Usually the swing is what they want, just the motion that they are so used to in the womb. Or Daddy will snuggle for a few minutes then put them in the swing. I've had to let go of the guilt of the swings. Matter of fact, we are buying a few more for upstairs so I can get the heck outta my family room!

My baby's now go to sleep with a little smile in their face instead of a frown.

Will I regret this later? Maybe. But it's what is working for NOW. For TODAY. And with triplets, that's about as far ahead as I can get.

"You are not managing an inconvenience, you are raising a human being" -Kittie Franz

A New 'Do

for Lil' Miss Mia Jane. I couldn't take the "Friar Tuck" look ( so cleverly coined by a reader) anymore. A friend suggested we shave Mia's head. I was appalled that we could even think of doing that. Hadn't we lost enough of her precious baby hair already? Aaron said "No way". But the more I thought about it, and looked at her, the more convinced I was that something had to be done. Yesterday morning, I got out the razor, decided on a setting, AND STARTED SHAVING.

I shaved my baby girls head, and I am so glad I did. She looks soooooo much better. Now, if I could gather the courage to do mine, that would be awesome. Can you imagine the freedom? The ease in the morning? Not to mention no more baby's pulling at it. Ahhhhh, sounds good, but, alas, I am a big fat chicken. So I'll stick to doing the babies :)

Before:

After:

So. Who Do They Look Like?

We get this question alot. Aaron's answer is "I dunno, a baby?". Men. I watch the girls every day looking for who they might look like. All my babies, at some point, always looks exactly like each other. It's usually around 9 months to a year. But, I am seeing someone in each of them right now.

Rosalie is looking just like Juliette.

Gwendolen looks alot like me. FINALLY!! 9 kids later and one finally looks like ME!!
Emilia looks exactly like my Grandma Nancy. EXACTLY. Or my Great Uncle Johnny. Not sure which, but since they were siblings, it makes sense. Both have passed so it's so nice to see them in Mia.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET LITTLE ANNABEL

Four years old. I can't believe you are Four years old. You are the sweetest child ever. And so funny. You love to talk so much. Daddy and I love to listen to all your stories and you tell them with so much energy! You are the best big sister and the kindest little sister.

I am so grateful for you every single day. You make me want to be the best Mommy that I can be.

I love you so much My Sweet Little Annabel and I cannot wait to watch you grow and grow and grow. But not too fast. You are so sweet just the way you are.

Oh, and 4 year old's CAN do cartwheels and ride a bike. We just have to practice. And we will. :)

Cradle CRAP!

Yes, I know it's technically called Cradle CAP but when it makes my beautiful, 4 month old daughter with tons of beautiful-black-hair- just-like-her-Daddy's BALD, I will call it Cradle CRAP. And that's being nice because I am not happy. At all.

It all started with the bath. Washing her beautiful hair. I notice this crusty looking stuff on her head. Great. So I take a washcloth and rub. With a touch of Aveeno Baby Soap.

Gently. Then,

I see hair.

ON THE WASHCLOTH!

GAHHHHH!

And it just keeps coming out. So I stop to dry the tears, (my tears, not Mia's) and try to dismiss my urge to scoop it out of the bathwater and lay it back on her head because that would be crazy. Right?

Now, I know it's normal, and I know it happens all the time. Well, I've heard that it's normal and happens all the time. But not to my babies. I've never had a baby lose their hair. And I liked it that way. I was proud. People would always say "Oh, she/he has such pretty dark hair, but it will fall out" Nope. Never did. Till now.

So, instead of scooping up the hair, because I know that's just stupid, I run downstairs (yes, with the baby in tow, I wasn't so distraught that I forgot about her) to show Aaron then get on Facebook to ask my 179 friends what the heck to do.

Oil. Olive Oil, Baby Oil, any oil really. Just rub oil on her head, let it soak then comb through to get all the scalies off. So we did. Olive oil at night then Burt's Bees in the morning. (The BB smells MUCH better than the Olive oil ,just for reference) Then we combed. And wouldn't ya know it, all the Cradle Crap started coming off. With HER HAIR attached to it.

Double GAAAHHHHHH!

So now, Mia is looking a bit like a little old man (no offense to little old men). Bald on top with just a smidgen of hair. Hair just around the ears, you know the look. But Mia is special. She also has a perfectly round bald spot in the back of the middle of her head too.

Now this, my friends, is one beautiful hairstyle. I do think that Miss Mia looks as concerned as I am, and I'm trying not to let her see my worry. But she knows. It's probably gotten a bit drafty up there. Poor girl.

I've been assured that her hair will come in soon. And faster. And better. Now that no Cradle Crap is attached to it. All I can say is HURRY and grow. Please hurry.

If there is a Hair Fairy, I would like to request a visit from her. Tonight please.

Coming Out...

Of the religious closet, so to speak.

What has brought on this topic? My almost 4 year old daughter, and a not-so-proud parenting moment.

Driving to Seattle, I had to climb in the back seat to nurse the babies (yes, I did this while Aaron was driving, don't call CPS, I don't do it regularly, we were just running late after stupid Hot Donna wouldn't start and we had to repack the other car). Visiting with Annie, we pass a beautiful church. Cathedrals, bells, brick, a huge Catholic church. Annie says to me " MOM! What's that??" I say " Oh, it's a church honey, isn't it beautiful?" Annie says " What's a church?" (Wait, it gets better) I say "A church is where people go to talk to God." Annie says (ready for this?)

"What's God?"

Nice. I do believe that we have dropped the ball on the chapter in the Parenting 101 book that says to make sure to teach your child all you know. I'm also pretty sure that the only time she has heard about God is when I thank Him under my breath or use His name in vain (more not -so-proud moments)

So, in a sense it was that conversation that led me to this post. I'm "coming out". For a long time I assumed that I believed in God because I had to. I was raised Catholic. I won't even go into details, but church was not fun. It was not meant for kids. I grew up promising myself that I would NEVER make my kids go to church and dress up EVERY Sunday. Nor on Christmas, Easter or any other obligated church related holiday. And I've kept that promise. We don't go. Ever. I joke and say I'm a recovering Catholic. Ok, maybe not so funny, but whatever.

Little things in life make me believe one day and not the next. When things go good, I thank God. I reference Him when speaking of certain things. I probably reference Him more than

I ought to given my stance on things, but oh well, right? Isn't that what people do? When horrible things happen, I question His existence. Now, maybe that's normal, maybe not, I don't know, but I do it. I have a friend who once told me that horrible things happen so that you know just how good the good things are. I have a hard time with that one. Why would God want murder, child molestation, rape, drugs, abortion, abuse and all the bad in this world. Now you could say that God gave us free will to do as we choose and that people choose to do these things. That one is really hard for me too. I know. Hypocritical. I thank Him when all is good and turn my back when it's not. I realize that it sounds off, but I can't help the way I feel.

One thing that has stayed consistent in my beliefs is that I DO believe that God created all of us and all the beautiful things Earth has to offer. I also believe that the belief in God is inside of us. In our souls, our being.

Which has led me to believe more in worshipping outside of a building. Worshipping within nature. Not in a man made building that people go to surrounded by a bunch of strangers, to listen to someone talk about what HE believes in. What HIS interpretation of God is. And your supposed to listen and believe. Why?

Why can I not go into my backyard, and be surrounded by all the beautiful things that God created. The trees, the flowers, the rocks, the grass and the sky, and sit and think about God, my life, and what is inside of ME. The God that I believe in. The one inside of my soul.

Religion does not need labels. Whether it be Catholic, Druidism, Native Americans, Vampyres, Lutheran, Apostolic, Penecostal, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, Christianity, Zen, Wiccan, Paganism, Mormon, whatever it is you choose to call your belief in God. Each of these "religions" has very valid beliefs and rituals. Who is to say that just one is right?

Spirituality only needs to be what you find inside of you. I DO believe in God. But I believe that God created the Earth and all the things in it for me to love and cherish. I can thank God for the good in my life and be angry at Him for the bad. That is MY choice, it doesn't mean I don't believe in Him.

So the next time I feel the need to talk to God, you will probably find me outside, in the backyard. In jeans, or pajamas or sweats even. God doesn't care what you look like, just that you are you and that you are the best you that you can be.

And this is the lesson that I will continue to teach to my children. That God is inside of them. They won't fear Him, they will grow to have a true relationship with Him and all that he has created.

Trees and flowers and whales and babies and dirt and birds and bugs and giraffes and dogs and fields and cats and rain and everything this Earth has to offer. And I will also teach them to cherish this Earth that we live in as God gave it to US. We need to take care of it.

They will learn of the Solstice Celebrations and of Alters for the Seasons. They will learn of Goddesses and of God. They will learn about Jesus and Noah's Ark and Moses. Are they all just stories that have been told throughout the years or are they truths? How does one know? I will teach them of those stories and show them how they can worship what we can see, the beauty God created within us and around us.

They will be taught that they can believe in whatever they want to believe in and they will be loved.

This is my goal in teaching my children of

"What's God"

Patience

I figured it out. I've spent the past few months trying to figure out what God was trying to teach me in all this. I mean, really, triplets? Babies #7, 8 and 9??

I figured it out. Finally.

If you ask me for a list of my faults, I can give you a list. It's not huge, but I do know where I need to focus on being a better person. I don't feel the need to list those things, as I'm sure you don't really care to read it. But at the top of that list is

Patience

It's not something that comes naturally to me. Oh, I wish it did. Now, your thinking, "Right. The woman has NINE kids, she must have the patience of a saint".

Not so much. It's a daily struggle for me. From the littlest things like the 2 year old "I DO!" phase to listening to my 10 year old tell me a story about school (if you knew my 10 year old, you would understand. She is very detailed)

So, instead of making a list of my negative personalty traits. I've decided to make a list of the things that I work on daily to be patient about. It's not a super long list, but nonetheless, it's a list. And it is a daily list for me. Daily. And to top off the list is the biggest struggle. The I DO phase.

Letting Annie and Lilah climb into the car and their carseats by themselves. Even in the pouring rain. Patience.

Listening to a story about "that girl" on the playground.

Helping the babies learn to fall asleep on their own.

Listening to Aaron talk about soccer, his passion.

Housework. It will get done. Eventually. Try telling ME that. Patience.

Napping. 20 minutes or 2 hours. A nap is a nap. Right Gwendolen?

Hearing about the soccer game 3 years ago. For the 52nd time.

A 17 year old's venting about people. That annoy her. Alot. (Wonder where she gets that from?)

People. total strangers, and their curiosity with the triplets.

When Annie gets excited, it's hard to understand her talking. Takes awhile to figure out what she is saying. A looonngg while sometimes.

Kids will be kids. They don't jump in to help automatically. They have to be told.

Crying babies. Alot of crying. Alot of babies. Patience, patience, patience.

Letting Lilah "I DO" when it's time to make Bunny Juice (another time on what Bunny Juice is)

Letting Annie make PB&J's all by herself.

Being able to sit and knit for just 5 freakin' minutes without wiping a bum, getting a snack, getting a drink, changing the channel on the TV or babies crying. PATIENCE.

So you see, it's quite the list and I'm sure I've left off a few things. And it's quite the task to focus on every single minute, but what else can I do?

Patience is a necessity when raising nine children. Heck, it's a necessity when raising one child.

Thankfully, opposites attract and Patience is the one thing that Aaron seems to have an endless amount of.

Voila!....

It's finished! Mostly. With the exception of some trinkety stuff and a big updated picture for the top frame (which I still have to get taken so it may be awhile). I LOVE it.

What do ya'll think?

Almost...

A HUGE thank you to my friend Miranda for re-doing my blog for me. Now that the basics are done, I'm just going to be playing with the details a bit. So, it's no longer a mess, but you may find things moved around some here and there. If anything, it will keep the reading more interesting :)

Excuse My Mess

I'm trying to find a new layout for the blog. I'm not so computer savvy so please excuse the mess while I try to figure this all out...

A Quick Update.....

It's crazy around here. Obviously, since I haven't posted since February 25th. I do believe that is my longest lag yet. I'm just going to give ya'll a quick update because all 3 babies are asleep, at the same time, which is rare. Very rare.

Everyone is good. Pretty sure everyone is doing better than me, but that doesn't take much these days. I am exhausted. To the point of Aaron coming home most nights to me on the couch in tears. I'm actually quite impressed that he comes home at all most nights. Imagine his evening. Long day at work. Stressful, traffic filled drive home. Home is your haven? Yeah, not so much around here these days. He walks in to a trashed house, toddlers running and screaming (sometimes playing, most times not) babies crying and a wife sitting on the couch crying. Fun stuff right? Ok, so I do exaggerate a little. It's not most nights, although it feels like it is. It's just been 2 or 3 nights in the past month. But it's enough. Too much for my liking. I am not that person. I am not the person that can't handle things. But I feel like I've become one. And I do not like it one bit. So, I have a new plan. I start the day chanting. Singing actually.

Today's gonna be a good day

Today's gonna be a good good day

Today's gonna be a good day

Cuz I've got a feelin'...Whoo hoooooooo......

Yep, to the tune of Tonight's Gonna Be A Good Night :) It works. The toddlers love it and the babies smile. Even though I can't sing...

All the girls are working on going to sleep all by themselves. It's a loooonnnggg sllllooowwww process. Which involves crying. Just a little but I hate it. We moved 2 cribs into our bedroom and got it all arranged so soon, very soon, me and the girls will be sleeping upstairs! Yay! Now, to convince Lilah that our bed is not hers. That may take some time.

All in all, things are going,....well....just going. Breastfeeding is awesome. No bottles at all now. All the other kids are good. I promised soccer pics, and I'll get some up, I just gotta get them off my sister's camera.

Oh, and Seattle? It went well. So well, in fact, we are headed to Sunriver at the end of the month for Spring Break. :)