Introducing Alice (as in Wonderland)

We have a new family member. Her name is Alice. And we all love her. Well, all but Aaron and Annabel. Aaron is a tad weirded out by her and Annabel just likes to watch her. I think she likes her but is a bit frightened of her. I hope she warms up soon.

She is named for Alice in Wonderland, Annie's idea. We all think it's perfect.

She is just awesome. So funny. So active and super playful. She's amazingly smart. Kind of like a cross between a puppy and a kitten. She will 'fetch' her toys. She loves socks, so if you come to our house wearing socks, beware, she will attempt to remove them from your feet while you are wearing them. She gives kisses. No joke. If you hold her up to your face and say 'nose kisses', she will lick your nose. So.freakin.cute. And she giggles. Or at least, that's what it sounds like. Ferret giggles. It's hilarious. She giggles when she's excited while she jumps up and down on all 4's kind of like Tigger.

This was the best 'whim' decision ever.

Lilah thinks she is the funniest thing ever.

Joseph thinks she is awesome.

Noah says she's 'cool'

Juliette is thrilled

Madeline is in love.

I think she's pretty sweet too.

And the fine print.

No, she does not bite. At all. She was trained early on not to. And trained well. She is litterbox trained. She does have a smell, but it's not icky, just different. She is spayed. We do plan to keep her away from the babies for awhile just to be sure she can be trusted 100%. She's 7 months old. She sleeps in a cage on a hammock. THAT is cute. And she is not a rodent, she is a mammal.



Cute huh?

Blessed....

am I. So very insanely blessed. And sometimes, ok alot of times, I get so wrapped up in the stresses of the day to day that I forget how truly amazing and wonderful my life is. It is so easy, lately, to let the negative creep up on me. And it doesn't even creep up. It full out body slams me most days. Then, it takes just one little comment from a friend to make me sit back and realize how truly blessed I am. Today I posted some pictures of the babies on my Facebook. A friend commented on one of my pictures. She said

'Holy cuteness!!! Your the luckiest lady on earth to have triple the baby smiles :-)'

'triple the baby smiles'.

I AM lucky.

I have triple the smiles. Triple the laughter. Triple the sweet intoxicating baby smell. Triple the baby feet. Triple the beautiful blue eyes. Triple the pudgie little baby hands. Triple the strawberry blowing on bellies. Triple the cute little button noses. Triple the sighs. Triple the little baby noises they make in their sleep. Triple the little cloth diapered bums. Triple the joy of watching a baby grow and learn and discover. Triple the kisses. Triple the hugs.

and it doesn't stop there.

I have 6 more amazing blessings.

6 more reasons to smile and laugh and be happy.

I have a daughter that is an amazing adult. A good good kid. Smart and kind. Funny and beautiful. Everything I ever wanted her to be, she is.

I have a son who makes me smile everytime I see him. He is handsome and clever. His personality is just so relaxed it's intoxicating. He makes me calm.

I have a son who makes me laugh. He is smart and talented and the kindest of souls. He is giving and helpful. A sweet and empathetic child.

I have a daughter who is becoming as beautiful as she is wonderful. A sweet sweet girl who I cannot imagine our life without. Her name suits her personality to the core, and defines the statement that you can't judge a book by it's cover.

I have a daughter who is the light of my life. She is funny and kind. A perfect combination of all our kids wrapped into one. I see everyone in her and watching her grow is full of surprises.

I have a daughter who is precocious and mischievous. She loves life and everyone she sees. She is unexpectedly shy and her laugh is infectious.

So, you see, I AM BLESSED. Many times over.

It's as if I've won the lottery of life. Like that game. Life. I used to play it when I was younger. My favorite part of the whole game was filling the car with the little blue and pink pegs. The babies. And if I landed on the 'you just had twins' spot? That was the BEST.DAY.EVER.

So, as hard as it is every day, as much as I cry and struggle, I just have to step back, take a minute and observe my life as if a stranger would happen upon us.

I am the luckiest lady on earth.

Someone must really think I'm pretty special to grant me this life. And I promise to try so much harder, to not take advantage of this gift.

These 9 blessings are the reason I was created.

They are my life.

They are my world.

They are my love.

*Happy Birthday Juliette*

But of course. Late again. I do believe late should be my new name :/.

Happy Birthday Juliette. You grew up waaaayyyy too fast. My baby monkey girl :)

Eleven whole years old. Way too close to being a real teenager.

Thank you for being my little girl. And for being so awesome. I love you so much. Happy Birthday.

A 7 Month Photo Shoot

SEVEN MONTHS OLD!

These girls are getting so very big!

What are they doing these days?

Gwendolen is rolling everywhere. Emilia has rolled over once, but she didn't seem to like it so hasn't done it again. Rosalie is content to just lay around and observe.

We started them on foods here and there. They love to eat. Rosalie gets so excited when she even sees a spoon that she kicks and talks, loudly. Gwendolen gets mad if the food isn't shoveled in every second, and Emilia patiently waits her turn. As usual.

The sleeping thing is going 'ok'. Gwendolen totally gets it and actually reaches for her crib if she's tired. Emilia does good about 70% of the time. Rosalie is still struggling. If she cries for too long, I go get her. It's been 8 days now so I think Rosalie needs a different method. The good news? They are MUCH happier babies. Much. They now have consistent awake and play times. They are more content because they aren't so tired. Rosalies' temperament is such that if she is overtired, she will just cuddle and fall asleep. Nothing like the grumpy Miss Gwendolen when she is tired. And it has gotten me time with my other kids. I get to read to the toddlers and tuck them in at night. And I feel like a much better mommy. Was it worth it? Not sure yet. I'm still weighing that one on my guilty conscience.

I'll be back with updates on the rest of the gang in a few days :)

A Reminder

For the people that read my blog, but seem to not like anything that I have to say.....

Please reread this post.

That should clear things up.

This is who I am. I write MY feelings, MY opinions, MY thought, and MY experiences. This is about MY LIFE. It's that simple.

I am, very simply put, a Mama. With 9 very loved, very much wanted and VERY exceptional kids.

I am not forcing my opinions on anyone. It is your choice to read them. I am simply writing them for all to see.

If my blog bothers you to the point that you have to leave rude comments, please stop reading/following me. Or, at the very least, quit commenting. Please.

Back On Track....*Babywearing*

Babywearing.

It always cracks me up, as I'm wearing one of my babies, when people say 'Wow! That is so cool! The things they come up with for babies now-a-days. I wish they had those when my babies were little'.

Um, they did. 'Babywearing' has been around for ages. I guess it's just much more mainstreamed now. You see it more and more. From Bjorns to wraps to Ergo's.

I would like to make a note that Bjorns and the like aren't good for a babys' spinal development. I'll post a link at the bottom the explains it better than I can.

It's not only good for your baby's development, it makes life so much easier. Especially if you have other children to care for.

I dabbled briefly into babywearing with my 1st son, Joseph. But, as I said in a previous post, I bought a Moby, didn't get it on quite right and he almost fell out. I never wore him again.

The next baby to be worn was Annabel. She REQUIRED it. Her temperament actually had me out searching for something to put her in besides my arms when she was just days old.

I came across a Kangaroo Korner Adjustable Fleece Pouch. Saved.my.life. Annabel LIVED in that thing. I actually slept with her in it a few times, propped up on my bed. She needed to be worn. My family wasn't too keen on the idea since that meant they didn't get to hold her as much, but it was literally the only thing that kept her happy. Being worn and being nursed. Closeness.

The KKAFP opened up a whole new world for me. I found an awesome website, The BabyWearer. From there I discovered Wraps, Mei Tais, Soft Structured Carriers, Pouches and Ringslings. A whole world of ways to carry your babies. I was addicted. The website has a For Sale Or Trade section. I had carriers coming in the mail DAILY. I had to try them all. I have a bad back so it was hard to find ones that worked well for me. But I did. And my babies were worn. LIFE MADE SIMPLER. No fussy babies and 2 free hands. I even got to the point where I could nurse hands free. AWESOMENESS.

Now, wearing triplets? I tried. I got them all on but it wasn't very comfortable. This is one area where they get one-on-one. :)

**Please be aware that babywearing has been in the news lately due to infants suffocating in certain brands of carriers. Just like carseats, a babys' position is very crucial. Take lots of time to learn about your carrier. Practice it.

Bagslings, why they are dangerous

Infant carriers and spinal distress

Wearyourbaby

10 reasons to wear your baby

Dr Sears on Babywearing

Hypocrisy, Eating My Words & And Apology

I have debated about this post for days. Half of me says 'write it, it's important'. The other half of me, the ashamed, chicken shit half of me, says 'no way, hide in the closet, do not speak of what you've done'.

It seems that hypocrisy is a word familiar to me. I posted about it here when the triplets were born and I had to leave the hospital to come home to get some rest.

I also posted a few weeks ago about a very controversial subject, CIO.

In that post, I said "I WILL NEVER DO IT".

Well, I did it. I am not proud. I am not happy. Even though, it seems to have 'worked'. I am not relieved. Not yet. I am ashamed, sad and judgemental. Now of myself. I hope that feeling goes away soon.

We have tried EVERYTHING to get these babies to sleep. Noise machine, car rides, wearing them, rocking, pacing, the dryer, binkies. All that worked was me and the boob. But these babies are not only children. They are #7, #8 and #9. They have to make adjustments to our family too. Sounds harsh, but for 7 months we have been literally catering to them, which is NECESSARY for babies, don't get me wrong, but when it's affecting our entire family to the point of complete and total dysfunctionality, it's time to make some changes. Not fun changes, but necessary ones.

You may be asking yourself, what got you to that point? Honestly? Besides exhaustion. My mental well being. I felt thisclose to cracking. I've never in my life experienced a mental breakdown, but I'm pretty sure what I was feeling was close. I cried all the time. I yelled at my other children, alot. I was never happy. I even wrote my husband an email telling him I couldn't handle this anymore and that I was leaving. Yep. I did. Now, a person in their right mind could see how leaving, with the 3 babies and the toddlers, would accomplish nothing. I was not in my right mind. I was literally losing it. Ask any of my Facebook friends. They saw my pleas for help. I'm actually surprised that CPS never showed up at my door. I am not one to ask for help. Ever. So when I am pleading for it, you know something must not be right. My husband saw this, and told me we had to do something fast before our whole family fell apart.

All this because of 3 tiny humans that would not sleep.

We made ourselves a checklist. We found some resources on the internet and used them.

•Am I content with the way things are, or am I becoming resentful, angry, or frustrated? I was becoming angry, resentful AND frustrated. NONE of these things makes for a good mommy. In fact, those 3 things alone are a recipe for disaster when parenting triplets.

•Is my baby’s nighttime routine negatively affecting my marriage, my job, or my relationships with my other children? Yes, yes and yes. Aaron and I were not even talking. My job is my children. When I spent 5-7 hours a day putting babies to sleep, I never saw my kids. Which partners with the relationship question. I need to be a mommy to ALL NINE of my kids, not just the triplets.

•Is my baby happy, healthy, and seemingly well rested? No, yes and no. Grumpy grumpy babies. Almost always. They wanted to take up to 15 naps a day because they weren't getting any sleep. They are all very healthy so that did play a part in this decision.

•Am I happy, healthy, and well rested? No, no and no. I was not happy and enjoying my life or my kids. My mental health was suffering and I haven't slept in months. Not for more than an hour at a time.

•What is a reasonable expectation for my baby at his/her age? At 7 months, these babies SHOULD be able to fall asleep on their own and stay asleep for at least 4 hours.

•What naptime and bedtime situation would I consider “acceptable”? Falling asleep without assistance from the boob. After 3-4 hours, I do feed them/cuddle them/bring them into my bed.

•What naptime and bedtime situation would I consider “pure bliss”? Just what I stated above

•Why do I want to change my baby’s sleep patterns? Is it truly what’s best for me and my baby, or am I doing this to meet someone else’s expectations? This is what is best for our entire family. Including the babies. Babies need SLEEP.

•Am I willing and able to be patient and make a gradual, gentle change for my baby if that means no crying? Willing, yes. Able, no. I am alone during the day with 5 kids under the age of 4.

This is the 'list' we looked at. Our answers to these questions are in red.

So, given all that, we made the decision to CIO. I know, I know. Believe me, I KNOW.

I am fully prepared for the comments that are sure to follow this post. I considered turning off the comments so that I didn't have to face up to what I did, but then decided not to. Post what you must, but believe me, I am my own worst critic. I do know that this solution sucked. It sucked BIG TIME, trust me, I was the one sitting here crying with the baby monitor in my hands. My babies were the ones crying in their cribs. But as a friend said to me 'You've never raised triplets before, your doing your best' and as I keep saying to myself 'Having multiples sure changes the 'rules' of AP'. I do wish that my best felt good enough, just once. I do my best day after day after day, and it feels like I am always letting someone down no matter how hard I try.

It has been 3 days now. The babies still cry when we lay them down. It still breaks my heart. And we are still working on it. I've given myself 5 days. If they are still sad in 5 days, I'm done. But they are getting better. The most they cry for is about 20 minutes right now. And it's not screaming crying. It's some crying with alot of baby bitching in between. And when they wake up, they are smiling. They are still happy. They still love us.

I will say that I would NEVER EVER EVER condone CIO in babies younger than 6 months. NEVER. To be honest, I still don't condone it. I know, hypocrisy at it's best. It seems I am good at talking the talk but not so much at walking the walk.

CIO should never be done out of convenience. It really should be a last resort. If at all.

I stick by my original post that CIO is harmful to babies, and I HATE myself for doing it. But I had to consider the alternative. A mentally healthy mommy is pretty damn important too.

So, to anyone that HAD to use CIO, with no other options, I am sorry. I am sorry that you had to go through that. I am sorry that your babies had to go through that. Now that I have been there done that, I know the stress it causes and I wish that kind of pain and stress on nobody. No baby, no mommy, no daddy, and no family.

Our new routine? Just so nobody thinks I am completely heartless:

Wake.Eat.Play.Eat.Sleep.

Upon waking, from either a nap or nighttime, I nurse them. Then we play. And cuddle. And take walks. When they start to get tired, I nurse them all again. (and whenever they want as they are playing, we still nurse on demand) Since they all have to sleep together, in our room, ( 9 kids and a 4 bedroom house) they do have to get accustomed to sleeping through each others noises.) They will always be sharing a room. Then we turn on the sound machine, their projectors that put a picture on the ceiling and lay them down, in their cribs with their little Carters animal head lovies that they like to suck on, tell them we love them, smother them with kisses and hugs, say Night Night, and walk out.

Right now, they still cry. I'm hoping and praying it gets better. Soon.

As they awaken in the night, I bring them to bed with me and feed them, on demand, as usual.

What has this 'gotten me'?

TIME.

Time with my family. For the first time in almost a year, I can tuck my toddlers into bed. I can say goodnight to Noah. I can watch a movie with Madeline. I can talk to my husband. I can talk with Joey about soccer. I can hang out with Juliette.

I feel myself slowly getting better mentally. Yes, the process of CIO is a whole new stress, but it's one that will dissipate soon. I hope. I hope to forgive myself. Being able to heal as a family should help that. Again, I hope.

And hopefully, the benefits of rested, happy babies will outweigh the damage of CIO. I can only hope.