It Was A Difficult Decision To Make.......

I get alot of people asking me, incredulously, "Are you really staying there with the babies?" Yes, I really am. And believe it or not, every Neonatologist and Nurse that I've asked agrees with our decision, even saying that it will help us to go home faster.

When we came into all this, we knew the possibilities of the girls being in the NICU. It was high. I wanted to avoid it but what can ya do? Never, in all of the discussions that Aaron and I had, did we ever talk about the fact that I would camp out in the NICU with the babies. The talk was always of how much it would suck to go back and forth to feed, bring milk and spend time with them. It's so easy to talk about what you will do when your not actually faced with the situation. Now that we are in the middle of it, and even immediately after the girls were born, we both knew, there was no way that the girls were going to be left alone. Ever. The first 4 days that I was in Postpartum Recovery, we talked daily about what to do. It always came down to the fact that no matter what our children's ages, we wouldn't ever leave them alone in the hospital. NO MATTER WHAT, one of us would stay with them always. Why do that to the girls just because "they don't know any better" or "they have great care there". I beg to differ. While I agree that the care is above and beyond what I could have hoped for, they girls DO "know better". For 34.2 weeks they have lived inside of me with our family. They have come to know my voice, my heartbeat and my movements. They know Daddy's voice and awaken whenever he comes into the room. They would kick inside if they heard either of their sisters cry. They know us. All of us. And we are supposed to leave them here, all alone with nobody that they know? I am very aware that this is hard on my other kids, and on Aaron. I feel it in my heart every single day. I cry when I hear their voices on the phone. Aaron is an amazing father and husband. I couldn't ask for anyone that loves me or our children more. This was an agonizing decision to make but we made it based on the needs of our kids, all 9 of them. Our kids have 2 great parents. We have 6 kids at home that need us and 3 in the hospital that need us. The realistic answer is for one of us to be with each "set" at all times. Since we breastfeed only, that pretty much lays it on the table. Aaron is with the 6 at home, and I stay here with the girls. I think it's a pretty obvious solution.

But believe me when I say, it was the hardest decision we've ever had to make. I miss my kids. I miss my husband. I can't wait to get home and be together again. In the long run, 14 days away compared to a lifetime together is easy. Now, to just get through it. Anything worthwhile is never an easy road. And these baby girls and our family, is worth everything in the world to us, as difficult as it may be, we are ready.